Friday, July 30, 2010

Weekend Humor


A young newlywed couple, Juanita and Jamar, wanted to join the local church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

Juanita and Jamar agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?" Jamar replied, "Pastor, man... I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks, you askin' a little too much." Well son, what happened?" inquired the pastor.

Jamar said, "Juanita was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I couldn't control myself and, well.. we got it on right there." The pastor said, "Well, I see. You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church." Jamar replied, "That's okay. I'm pretty sure we ain't welcome at the supermarket anymore either!"

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Greatest Show On Turf (T.O. Meets C.O.)


I haven't written a sports post in a minute. I've been busy defending all that is holy against Tea Baggers and Silly Knee-Grows. For those of you who have followed this blog since it's inception, you probably know that my very first post was a sports post and it was about football. (That's the answer to a trivia question sometime in the near future.) I know I was writing about the Eagles and I believe Terrell Owens was still on the team and about to be traded at the time.

Since that post, Terrell Owens has played for the Dallas Cowboys and the Buffallo Bills... the poor guy can't seem to find a home. Before he came to the Eagles, He had made stops in San-Francisco and Baltimore. He's burned all of his bridges in just about all of these towns. It's a shame because self-centeredness, self-absorption, and narcissim aside, the guy can still play.

The 36 year old receiver agreed to a one-year, $2 million deal on Tuesday, uniting him with close friend Chad Ochocinco. Chad is another talented self-centered, self-absorbed, narcisstic wide-receiver. Can two prima donnas exist on one team? Isn't there only room for one diva?

The two reality show TV stars are expected to be together on the field for the first time this evening (by the time most of you will be reading this), when the Bengals hold their second practice of training camp. Terrell Owens is on his way and is expected to arrive in camp later today. When asked whether there's a concern that Terrell Owens could disrupt the team as he has been known to do (in San-Francisco, Philadelphia, and Dallas), receiver Andre Caldwell said that if Chad Ochocinco hasn't been able to do it, then Owens won't be able to either. (How about Pacman? He's on the roster too!)

Uhhhh, okay... we will see. One thing I will say, win or lose, the Cincinatti Bengals will be nothing if not entertaining next season.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Random Thoughts



1. My dreams and aspirations give me a reason for living.

2. Is it me or do people in SUV's tend to drive a little more recklessly than others?

3. I've always been in constant competition with my potential.

4. I'm trying to make the transition from being a product of my past into being a producer of my future.

5. There is no money that can heal a heart that's been broken.

6. I smile and laugh a lot... it really pisses my haters off!

7. I love that Geico commercial with the Drill Instructor as a therapist. (He also played a Drill Instructor in "Full Metal Jacket".)

8. If I was a politician and somebody decided to take a look at the things I say on this blog, I suppose I could kiss ever being elected goodbye!

9. If I was a politician and somebody decided to record some of the things I say in private conversation, I suppose I could kiss ever being elected goodbye!

10. I'm just not the type to be denying I meant what I already said or throwing people under the bus that have been my friends, because some jerk has told a lie on them or taken something they said twenty years ago, way out of context... and politicians constantly do that.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A Word From A Blogger


I probably don't fit the stereotype of the average blogger, according to some celebrities who must've had their feelings hurt by a blogger or two. According to them, the average blogger is a fat, thirty year old virgin guy who lives in his parent's basement and is mad at the world.

I'm way over thirty, not really fat, own my own home, and have been married for 21 years. I don't write in my basement, I write in my upstairs study (the middle room to be exact). I don't think I'm angry at the world. I just happen to have an opinion... an opinion I can now share with the world.

The reason for this post is that, I was watching an interesting documentary on television the other night called "Critic". It was hosted by Seth Green, that master thespian. He was whining about the criticism (some of it bordering on personal) that he has gotten in the print media (newspapers, magazines, etc.), on television, and now on the internet (via Blogging, Facebook, Twitter, etc).

Joining him in this 90-minute whineathon was comedians Lewis Black, Roseanne Barr, Andrew Dice Clay, Carrot Top, Jon Lovitz, Andy Dick, and Patton Oswalt. They all talked about the evils of being a critic, how nobody grows up wanting to be a critic, and how critics basically criticize what they themselves are too cowardly to do. I'm not saying that I totally disagree with everything they were saying, but what bothers me is that it seemed as if some of these people were against any and all criticism of their works.

There was a few film producers and some actual critics themselves on this documentary talking about what they do. Then, they got to talking about how it was bad enough to have to take criticism from the traditional print and electronic media, but now the internet was making everybody a critic... in particular, Bloggers. They gave all of the arguments I've heard before... Bloggers aren't journalists, bloggers are mostly everyday people with computers, and bloggers hide behind aliases on their computers, and so on, and so on.

Okay, I get that, but check this out. Ten years ago, before anybody was blogging on a regular basis (if at all), I go see a movie... I don't like the movie... I say, "This movie was a load of crap!" Then, I tell my wife, who might tell one of the people she works with, "My husband saw that movie and he said it was a load of crap!" And, that might go to five or six people. Out of the five-six people, maybe two might say, "Well, I'm going to see it for myself anyway. What does Keith know? After all he went to see Scooby Doo II. How knowledgeable can he be?"

Now, let's jump ahead to the present. I see a movie and I say it's a load of crap. Only now, I'm writing a post and hundreds, maybe thousands of people read my post. What's really different? Maybe a certain percentage of my readers might say, "I'm still going to see that movie myself"; or they might say, "Well, if Keith said it was crap, I ain't wastin' my money." The point is people are going to have opinions whether they put them on a blog, Twitter, or Facebook and it's not going to make any difference whether someone is reading it on a computer, in a newspaper, in a magazine, or watching Gene Shalit on television. People, whether a so-called "qualified" critic or just John Q. Public, are going to like something or not like it.

This documentary sounded as if these people didn't want any kind of criticism and further more, didn't think anybody was qualified to criticize their work. One guy said that he watched or went to every Lakers game for twenty years or so, but that did not qualify him to coach the team. He is absolutely right, but that doesn't mean that he can't have an opinion and share his opinion with others.

Good work speaks for itself. If something is good, people like it and they will pay money to see it, listen to it, read it, or whatever and it doesn't matter what a critic or a blogger says. So, Seth Green and Carrot Top, Make a good movie that doesn't make people want to hurl or immediately ask for a refund and you'll see the level of bad reviews and criticism drop!

Monday, July 26, 2010

A Midsummer Night's Kruise 2010












Once again, my wife and I went on my fraternity's boat ride or the "Midsummer Kappa Kruise", as it is more commonly known. We began our night at one of my favorite Thai restaraunts near my place of employment. (I'm a known "foodie" and I may start writing more about food and places I like to dine around town in the near future.) This place, which I'm not going to name at this time, has some of the tastiest Thai food in the city.

We had Corn Cakes and Cucumber Salad as our appetizers. My wife's main course was called the "Evil Jungle Princess", which was boldy spiced chicken, sauteed with a vegatable medley and exotic spices and herbs. I had the Thai Barbecue Chicken, which was a grilled half-chicken marinated in a special blend of spices and herbs and served with a sweet, tangy sauce with white rice. While we dined, I once again marvelled my wife and the members of this establishment with my knowledge of and usage of chopsticks!

Once we finished dining, we got back in the car and headed for the Penn's Landing area of the city, where the boat, aptly named the "Spirit of Philadelphia", was docked. I saw a lot of my fraternity brothers there from both the Philadelphia and Norristown Alumni chapters, as well as a few (but not as many as I would have liked) of the brothers I've met on Facebook. I will say that most of them and their dates were dressed in summer white. It was advertised as a "summer white" party, but you know how some people have to be different. (Just kidding!) There were a few people who were dressed in black.

The D.J. played a lot of "Classic R& B" from the 90's... I heard Mary J. Blige, Jodeci, Bell Biv Devoe, Boyz II Men, Babyface, Biggie, Pac, and Dru Hill. Of course, there is no party without line dancing, so and the "Electric Slide", "Booty Call", and the "Cuban Shuffle" were played prominantly.

This crowd didn't need to get liquored-up to begin partying. They started dancing (and I mean filling up the dance floor) before the boat left the dock. It was a nice friendly crowd and a beautiful night too. My wife and I sat up on the top deck for a while and caught a nice breeze, as well as a great view of the Philly and Camden skylines. A good time was had by all!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Weekend Humor


After being with her all evening, Leroy couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have his boy, Lonnie, call his Blackberry so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.

When he got the call, Leroy lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." His blind date replied... " Thank heavens! Because if yours hadn't of, then mine would have had to!"

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Snookered!


Andrew Breitbart, the blogger who distributed an edited tape of Shirley Sherrod's statements at a 24 year old NAACP meeting, said yesterday that "he is "sorry" that Mrs. Sherrod lost her job behind all of this and that his real objective was to get at The NAACP... to prove the "hypocrisy " of their claims that the Tea Party movement is stocked with racists (which it is, by the way). He said that he did not watch the entire tape... a tape that if watched in it's entirety proves that the woman was talking about racial reconciliation. He instead was talking about the reaction of the crowd to her earlier so-called racial statements. Bull!

Further, Breitbart is now blaming the NAACP for "overreacting!" Can you believe this? He and Fox News distributed this edited tape to the public... The NAACP and The White House immediately went into defense mode and in a knee-jerk reaction, dismissed the woman from her job. They wanted to prove to the right-wing that they clean their house, while that same right-wing is now condemning them for doing it? Do you understand any of this mess because I sure don't?



On Monday, Shirley Sherrod resigned from a senior position with the USDA in Georgia after edited video clips surfaced appearing to show her admitting to racial bias toward a white farmer. However, when the full video of her speech at an NAACP event was made public, the civil rights group retracted a previous statement condemning her for acting in a racist manner, and said she had been treated unfairly. Oh really? Now you're saying this, you gutless wonders? Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack then said in the early hours of Wednesday that he would reconsider the USDA's decision to ask for her resignation. A little too late now, don't you think? The woman has been publicly humiliated and embarrassed.

"I am of course willing and will conduct a thorough review and consider additional facts to ensure to the American people we are providing services in a fair and equitable manner," Vilsack said. But Sherrod, who said on Tuesday that she was pressured to resign, said on NBC's TODAY show that she might not want her job back... and I can't say that I blame her. "I am just not sure how I would be treated there," she said, adding that she couldn't get co-workers to listen to her side of the story about a speech she made in March, edited clips of which were recently shown on a conservative website.

Sherrod said her comments were part of a larger story about learning from her mistakes and racial reconciliation. They were not racist, she said, and were taken out of context. But, in America, anything longer than a sound bite is never listened to... we just take something and run with it! I've been saying that since I started writing this blog. Now, the Liberals and the Conservatives look bad and nobody is coming out of this one looking good.



NAACP President Benjamin Todd Jealous said that the group was "snookered" into believing that Sherrod expressed racist sentiments at a local NAACP meeting in Georgia earlier this year. After initially supporting her ouster, Jealous changed his mind and said she should keep her job.

The Obama administration's move to reconsider her employment was a reversal on the position just hours earlier, when a White House official, speaking only on the condition of anonymity, said President Barack Obama had been briefed on Sherrod's resignation after the fact and stood by the Agriculture Department's handling of it. However, the white farming family that was the subject of the story came to Sherrod's defense and said she should stay in her job. Which is probably why they're all reconsidering. It really says a lot, doesn't it?

"We probably wouldn't have our farm today if it hadn't been for her leading us in the right direction," said Eloise Spooner, the 82 year old wife of farmer Roger Spooner of Iron City, GA. "I wish she could get her job back because she was good to us, I tell you." As I wrote yesterday, she told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution that she considered Sherrod a "friend for life," saying that "the federal official worked tirelessly to help them hold onto their farm as they faced bankruptcy in 1986". Her husband told her, "You're spending more time with the Spooners than you are with me", Spooner told the Journal-Constitution. "She took probably two or three trips with us to Albany just to help us out."

As people came to her defense and Sherrod reached out to the media to plead her case, the administration faced criticism that officials, nervous about racial perceptions, had overreacted to her comments and made her a political sacrifice amid dueling allegations of racism between the NAACP and the "Tea Party" movement. In the clip posted on BigGovernment.com, Sherrod described the first time a white farmer came to her for help. It was 1986, and she worked for a non-profit rural farm aid group. She said the farmer came in acting "superior" to her and she debated how much help to give him. "I was struggling with the fact that so many black people had lost their farmland, and here I was faced with helping a white person save their land," Sherrod said.

Initially, she said, "I didn't give him the full force of what I could do" and only gave him enough help to keep his case progressing. But eventually, she said, his situation "opened my eyes" that whites were struggling just like blacks, and helping farmers wasn't so much about race but was "about the poor versus those who have." The full video of Sherrod's speech showed that, while she took some shots at conservatives and spoke of continued racial inequities, she focused on encouraging blacks, particularly the younger generation, to do more to help themselves.

"We have to overcome the divisions that we have," she told the audience. "Change has to start with us... our young people. I'm not picking on you, but y'all gotta step-up to the plate. You are capable of being those doctors and lawyers." The Notorious ACORN prostitute video, that 2-minute + 38-second video clip posted Monday by BigGovernment.com, was presented as evidence that the NAACP was hypocritical in its recent resolution condemning what it calls racist elements of the Tea Party movement.

The website's owner, Andrew Breitbart, said the video shows the civil rights group condoning the same kind of racism it says it wants to erase. BigGovernment.com is the same outfit that gained fame last year after airing video footage of workers at the community group ACORN counseling actors posing as a prostitute and her boyfriend.

The Huffington Post said after Breitbart posted the YouTube video of the speech, it was then aired on Fox News and Sherrod's resignation came shortly after. Jealous said Breitbart deceived millions of people, including him and his organization, by releasing only partial clips. He said the full video makes clear that Sherrod was telling a story of racial unity. If you knew that, then why didn't you look deeper into it Mr. Jealous?"

Jealous said Tuesday afternoon... "The tape of Ms. Sherrod’s speech at an NAACP banquet was deliberately edited to create a false impression of racial bias, and to create a controversy where none existed. This just shows the lengths to which extremist elements will go to discredit legitimate opposition." Again, I ask... If you knew that, then why didn't you look deeper into it Mr. Jealous? These people don't play fair. Why would you expect them to? You either are very naive or you don't believe a word you've been saying about them, both of which makes me scratch my head!

Sherrod said she was on the road Monday when USDA deputy undersecretary Cheryl Cook called her and told her the White House wanted her to resign because her comments were generating a cable news controversy. "They called me twice," she told the AP in an interview. "The last time they asked me to pull over to the side of the road and submit my resignation on my BlackBerry, and that's what I did." Sherrod said administration officials weren't interested in hearing her explanation. "It hurts me that they didn't even try to attempt to see what is happening here. They didn't care", she said. "I'm not a racist... anyone who knows me knows that I'm for fairness."

The administration gave a slightly different version of events. Tom Vilsack, not the White House, made the decision to ask Sherrod to resign, said USDA spokeswoman Chris Mather. She said Sherrod willingly resigned when asked. Now, everyone is pointing fingers and playing the blame game. In a previous statement, Vilsack said the controversy surrounding Sherrod's comments could, rightly or wrongly, cause people to question her decisions as a federal employee and lead to lingering doubts about civil rights at the agency, which has a troubled history of discrimination.

The decision by the NAACP on Tuesday afternoon to support Sherrod was in stark contrast to its initial reaction to the incident Monday night in a statement... "Racism is about the abuse of power. Sherrod had it in her position at USDA. According to her remarks, she mistreated a white farmer in need of assistance because of his race." In that statement, Jealous said the organization was "appalled by her actions, just as we are with abuses of power against farmers of color and female farmers. Her actions were shameful. While she went on to explain in the story that she ultimately realized her mistake, as well as the common predicament of working people of all races, she gave no indication she had attempted to right the wrong she had done to this man," he said. However, the NAACP reversed its position after seeing the full video of the speech.

I can't trust the left-wing or the right-wing in this one. Yeah, the NAACP got snookered. Yeah, The White House got snookered. Yeah, the USDA got snookered. And, they all got snookered by Fox News, the Tea Party Movement, and a dishonest blogger. I don't know if the public can fully believe anything that comes out of anybody's mouth anymore. It's a damn shame!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Thrown Under The Bus


I don't know who is worse... the Republicans or the Democrats who knuckle under to them all the time. Which is why we have a Senate and a House controlled by Democrats that still has to struggle to pass legislation.

In the latest outrage, a woman was forced to resign from her job today for remarks she made 24 years ago in 1986 that were largely misconstrued. This angers me because Republicans, Tea Party advocates, and sympathizers damn near have to say "nigger" in public before they are asked to step down from a job or position and in many cases, they still don't.

Shirley Sherrod, the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) Director of Rural Development in Georgia, has resigned after publicly admitting she didn't help a white man some 24 years ago trying to save his farm to the "full force" of her power and instead referred him to "one of his own."

Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack accepted Shirley Sherrod's resignation, saying there was "zero tolerance for discrimination at USDA." But Sherrod, in an interview with CNN, said her remarks to the NAACP were being intentionally misconstrued by conservative groups stoking racial tensions.

"I was speaking to that group, like I've done many groups, and I tell them about a time when I thought the issue was race and race only," Sherrod told CNN. She said the incident she described in her speech occurred some 24 years ago, when she worked for a non-profit aid group. "I was telling the story of how working with him helped me to see the issue is not about race. It's about those who have versus those who do not have."

The farmer's wife, 82-year old Eloise Spooner, told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution on Tuesday that Sherrod helped save their land. Spooner, who considered Sherrod a "friend for life," said that "the federal official worked tirelessly to help" the couple hold on to their farm as they faced bankruptcy in 1986, the Atlanta newspaper reported.

Her husband told her, "You're spending more time with the Spooners than you are with me", Spooner told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. "She took probably two or three trips with us to Albany just to help us out."

Sherrod said she was on the road Monday after an event in rural Georgia when USDA deputy undersecretary Cheryl Cook called her and told her the White House wanted her to resign. "They called me twice," Sherrod told The Associated Press in an interview. "The last time they asked me to pull over to the side of the road and submit my resignation on my Blackberry, and that's what I did."

Some ultra-conservative website found this story and published it recently after the NAACP accused the Tea Party movement of racism last week. This happened 24 years ago, but they found it. The woman was speaking about how this incident changed her way of thinking. The man's wife even said that she wound up helping them keep their land. But, no one wants to hear that... nobody wants to look deeper than a soundbite.

I expect the Republicans and the tea party crowd to run wild with this, but why are the Democrats and the White House asking this woman to resign? Why do they allow the right-wing to dictate to them their course of action? Why do they throw people under the bus who are the most vulnerable?

I don't see Republicans backing away from those loonies in South Carolina or from Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Sarah Palin, or Glenn Beck. When these people get too looney, they simply act like they are not there and to date, they haven't denounced or thrown any of the aforenamed under the bus.

I'm going to chill right now because I'm just disgusted with both political parties. My message to the Democrats... Grow a pair! Find some guts! Stop throwing people under the bus!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

An Open Letter To Negro Tea Baggers, Tea Partiers, Or Whatever!


Dear Negroes: Let me first say that even though your fellow conservatives did what they consider a measure of good faith by suspending blogger Mark Williams and his organization from your federation, it changes nothing. He wrote something that maybe only he and your followers thought was funny and he got singled out for it. Possibly made a scapegoat for how a lot of these folks you choose to walk arm and arm with ideologically actually feel...but, of course, not about you! No, you guys are different. You're the more sensible colored people.

Let's look at what this Mark Williams fellow from the Tea Party Express wrote, just in case it hasn't hit home with you negroes...

Dear Mr. Lincoln,

We Coloreds have taken a vote and decided that we don't cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!

Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn't that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us Coloreds!


Laughing? Do you find that funny? He didn't address that to just those bad negroes and colored folks like me and the Field Negro... He said "Coloreds" and that means you brainwashed negroes too. He didn't discriminate, he didn't separate, and he didn't stutter. Still laughing?

How can you, in your right mind, walk arm and arm ideologically or in any kind of way with people who think that of you, based on the color of your skin? I'm through sugar-coating it for you negroes!

Malcolm X once asked a young college student who was, like you, a conservative negro, "What does a Ku Klux Klansmen call a Black man who has earned a PhD degree?" The young man was stumped. And then, Malcolm laid it on him... "Nigger", same as he'd call me. "Who do you love? Better yet, who loves you? Come home brother, come home sister...

Still laughing?

Monday, July 19, 2010

Weekend Update

I can't believe it's the middle of summer already, can you? Man, how time flies! Usually, what I'm about to tell you is saved for Facebook, but this is definitely more than the 142 characters that FB allows...



My office does something called "A Day of Service" annually. Last year was the first year we did it and it went over well with somebody! Nobody I know personally, but somebody with enough clout to ask us to do it again this year-LOL! This day of service now takes the place of the retreat we used to have every year. We would come in dressed any way we saw fit, get on a bus, and spend the day at the beach. We would return to our office around 3:00pm and then, released for the day.

Don't get me wrong... I think a day of service is a great idea. It just pales in comparison to a day at the beach! Anyway, this past Friday, a third of the office went to a homeless shelter and handed out meals; another third helped out with the children at the Please Touch Museum; and the third of the office that included me worked outside at the "Schuylkill Banks". Now, let me explain to you what this is...

Over the last 10 years, federal stimulus money and some grants were used to renovate an entire area underneath the Walnut Street, Chestnut Street, and Market Street bridges that was mostly an overgrown-grass wasteland and turned into a dumping ground for trash. Well, the grass was cut, walkways were paved, and new bridges and ramps were built connecting this area to the bridges and streets above it. Street lights and benches were installed in the area, which extended all the way up to the Philadelphia Art Museum. Today, people can ride bikes, skate, skateboard, and jog through the area, while others picnic and just chill. Coffee shops and eateries are planned for the near future.

My crew was supposed to just walk up and down this two-mile area and police it by cleaning up the trash... but much to everyone's surprise, there was very little trash to clean-up. The Development Authority employees do a fantastic job of cleaning this area, so we did do some landscaping and planted a few small trees instead. After the work was completed, we were treated to a delicious lunch at a place called "Mikey's", a new bar and grill in the area. We had Baked Ziti, cold pasta, salads, an array of sandwiches, and a ticket that allowed you to have two free drinks from the bar. You can't beat that! It was a short work day and I think everyone from all three work crews were happy just to have a day away from the office.



On Saturday, my cousin got married! I said before that time flies and it seems like only yesterday that he and my daughter were both eight years old and chasing each other at my own wedding, some 23 years ago. Today, both of them are grown, married, and have two children of their own. It kinda makes you feel old! I knew my cousin "when" and now he's a grown man with a wife, a son, a daughter, a home, and he is in business for himself. It makes me proud to see him now as a man, and it's always nice to see the whole family together for a joyous occasion and not a funeral. While I'm at it, allow me to introduce you to my Cousin Arlene, who is also one of my loyal commentators. This photo of us was taken during the wedding reception.



I'm sure this was much more than 142 characters, but that was my weekend! How was yours?

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Saturday Seven (7 Songs On My Playlist)


1. "Test Drive" - Keith Sweat (featuring Joe)

2. "Fist Full of Tears" - Maxwell

3. "Window Seat" - Erykah Badu

4. "Unthinkable" - Alicia Keys

5. "Mister Too Damn Good" - Gerald Levert (New unreleased)

6. "Finding My Way Back" - Jaheim

7. "Find Your Love" - Drake



That's whats playing in my car folks! What's playing in yours?
Have a great weekend!

Friday, July 16, 2010

Weekend Humor


It seems Tyrone Johnson had too much alcohol at a party, he was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, Tyrone couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and just gave it to driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.

Tyrone Johnson, drunk as all get-out and figuring that the trooper wasn't coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. He was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers.

"Are you Mr. Tyrone Johnson?" one state trooper asked.

"Yeah, that's me." he admitted.

"Were you pulled over on 52nd & Lancaster Avenue last night for driving under the influence?" said the state trooper.

"Yeah, that was me, man." he said.

"And, what did you do then?" the trooper asked." The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.

"Where is your car now?" the trooper asked.

"It's in my garage." said Tyrone.

"May we see the car?" asked the trooper.

"Sure." he said and he led them to the garage.

Inside the garage was the state troopers' car!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Tea Baggin' For Dummies (And Misguided Negroes)


I must admit, I don't care much for the Tea Party movement and to find out that there are black Tea Party members and candidates disturbs me a bit. Even more disturbing is news today that black Tea Party members (or let's just call them misguided negro conservatives) are upset that the NAACP has condemned the Tea Baggers as racists. Where have y'all been?

NAACP President Ben Jealous has said the Tea Party movement needs to "be responsible members of this democracy and make sure they don't tolerate bigots or bigotry among their members." I guess this is too much to ask. Members of the Tea Party movement vehemently deny that their movement is racist, yet a CBS news poll in April found 52% of Tea Party members believe that "too much has been made of the problems facing black people". (This is not racist? Okay!) Far fewer Americans overall, 28%, believe as much. Among non-Tea Party whites, 23% say too much attention has been paid to the problems of black people.

The original NAACP resolution, submitted by the group's Kansas City branch, said the Tea Party movement has "displayed signs and posters intended to degrade people of color generally and President Barack Obama specifically." A true statement. This much has been caught on newsreels around the country. Where are the misguided conservative negroes when all of this is going on?

The NAACP further condemned "racist elements" of the movement as "a threat to progress" and referenced instances in which black congressmen said they were verbally and physically abused by Tea Party activists. Again, this was captured on film. What more does the apologists, negroes, and whites need for a frame of reference?

Of course, the Tea Party people have launched their usual rhetoric about "democratic operatives" planting some of the racist signs and people into the rallies to discredit them and embarrass them. I don't think anybody can embarrass them more than they have embarrassed themselves and the nation.

William Owens, a misguided negro Tea Party express speaker, says... "The NAACP is trying to address some of the racial slurs from within the tea party movement and as a result, they are marginalizing the more important issues that the tea party movement is addressing: Government intrusion, fiscal irresponsibility, putting upon people more and more taxes."

Owens wasn't around when the last president was being fiscally irresponsible was he? In fact, he was so fiscally irresponsible that the nation's economy nearly collapsed. The Tea Party apparently doesn't realize that both Democrats and Republican presidents have been raising your taxes for the past 20 years. No, they missed all that. So, I ask again... Where have y'all been?

Owens, founder of Communityfaithpolicy.com and author of "Obama: Why Black American Should Have Doubts", goes on to say... "They (The NAACP) are doing an injustice to the black community by not giving a fair and balanced perspective on the legitimate concerns that the tea party movement expresses, especially how it affects not just black America, but all of America."

Owens believes the NAACP chose to take on the Tea Party movement to divide Americans. Oh, really? Divide them any more than the Tea Baggers have divided and confused everyone... especially, well-meaning people who are genuinely concerned? "I think it’s just side-stepping the major issues,” Owens says. “You are going to find signs in every movement that express sentiments of racism, but those are far and few in between when you look at the issues involved."

I want him and his kind to remember this when one of their Tea Baggin' comrades gets drunk at one of these rallies and forgets that he is on their side and calls him a nigger. That's right, I said it! I notice that when these rallies have gotten really ugly, i.e. when the black congressmen were spat on and attacked, I didn't see a black face in that sea of Tea Baggers. And, it was smart of them not to be in that crowd right then. But, just wait... the day is coming when a group of Tea Baggers forgets that they are at a Tea Baggers rally and thinks they are at a Klan rally (which was scheduled for another night). Then, things are going to get interesting. Just wait!

Disclaimer: The photo above of Sarah Palin is a fake and I used it to make a point. She's not really in the Klan. (At least, I hope not!)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Random Thoughts


About the Lebron James Debacle and other things NBA...

1. To all of the people who are so up in arms because Lebron left Cleveland for Miami, don't you change jobs at some time or other? What's the difference?

2. Lebron went from being a media darling to being the third most hated man in pro-sports (with Tiger Woods and Mike Vick holding the #1 and #2 spots), proof positive that you either die a hero or you live long enough to become a villian.

3. Is there this much consternation over any of the other free agents (operative word, "free") who have chosen to go to other basketball teams?

4. Having a one-hour ESPN Special and then creating a media circus around your "decision" was not the best PR idea.

5. Donating 2.5 Million to the Boys & Girls Clubs of Cleveland isn't either. It's not going to clean this up.

6. While I can somewhat understand fans booing Lebron in Cleveland, why were New York fans booing him at Carmelo Anthony's wedding?

7. I'm not going to annoint Miami the next NBA Champions... these three guys haven't played together yet. People annointed the Cleveland Cavs the next NBA champions at the beginning of this year's playoffs and you see what happened.

8. Where is Allen Iverson when you need him?

9. Mike Brown and Danny Ferry got a raw deal, who speaks for them?

10. Somewhere, Kobe Bryant is laughing!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Saturday Seven (7 Worst Things To Say To Newlyweds)


1. "This must have cost you a mint, eh?" The way celebrities' wedding costs are blasted all over the news can make it seem like it's appropriate to put a price tag on the dress, the cake, and everything in between. But, money is often a sticky subject for brides and grooms who don't have a millionaire's budget, so it's better to keep your mouth shut. And, just ignore that old "pay for your plate" rule... it's more appropriate to choose a wedding gift that reflects the closeness of your relationship to the couple than the cost of your reception meal.

2. "So, y'all havin' a baby next right?" We know, we know... first comes love, then comes marriage. But, you know what? Next comes whatever the bride and groom want, which might be buying a home, working toward a big promotion, or something else entirely. Everyone's got their own schedule and life goals, which may or may not include the pitter-patter of little feet. Most brides and grooms are already pretty overwhelmed by the wedding planning, so the last thing they want to talk about is making another big life change. Again, keep your mouth shut!

3. "I can't believe you're settling down! Mannn or Gurl, I remember when..." Just because you remember the bride when she was a total hoochie-mama or can provide the story behind the groom's frat nickname doesn't mean you should. This goes double for any conversation you have with other wedding guests who know the bride or groom from a different time in their lives (for example, a co-worker or an older relative). Yes, they might still be the crazy kids you remember, but given the formality of the day (not to mention the many relatives likely on the guest list), it's not the best time to air out their dirty laundry. Once again, shut up!

4. "Can you help me with...?" When you're at a wedding, it's pretty easy to look to the bride and groom as the ones who are in charge and running the show... after all, it's their big day. For the same reason though, they're going to be pretty busy (and by "pretty busy," we mean "really, REALLY busy"). If you've got some minor issue (i.e. the caterers brought you the wrong entree or you think some of the seating should be switched, because cousin Skeeter smells really bad.), don't take it to the bride and groom. Instead, talk to the wedding planner or coordinator, one of the caterers, or, if you really feel it's something the bride or groom needs to deal with personally, one of the bridesmaids or groomsmen who can pass along the message. The bride and groom already have a lot on their plates, so it's important to respect the difference between an actual emergency and what just seems like one at the time. Come on be reasonable!

5. "Why wasn't so-and-so invited?" A word to the wise: If you notice that someone you thought would be at the wedding isn't there, there's usually a reason. Option A is that their RSVP said they couldn't make it, but Option B is that there's a distinct reason they were left off the guest list. (And, it's none of your business. You're there and that should be your only concern.) Either way, the most tactful approach is to keep quiet about it. If the bride and groom have chosen not to include a family member or friend, chances are there was at least one long conversation that went into making that decision and the wedding day is definitely not the time to bring it up. Keep it to yourself.

6. "Wow, when you think about how many couples divorce..." Today, of all days, the D-word is off limits. No matter what you might think about statistics, the bride's or groom's past or family life, or your own experiences, just don't go there. Instead of focusing on the negative, think about the positive... yes, in spite of the odds, these two people are genuinely committed to each other and are making a public vow saying so! Don't they deserve only your best wishes?

7. "Tonight's going to be a HOT night for you two, huh?" (No sh%#, Sherlock!) Please, no speculation about the bride and groom's after-hours activities. If you want to talk about what a big night it is, focus on what's already happening... the fabulous food, the killer band, and the great time all the guests are having. Lose the innuendo and congratulate the bride and groom on pulling off an amazing wedding. Just shut up!

(And, don't act like you all don't know somebody, male or female, who has committed one or several of these gaffes at your wedding or someone's wedding you know! LOL!)

Friday, July 9, 2010

Weekend Humor


Rashida and Tyrone, a man and a woman who have never met before, find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.

After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, Rashida on the top bunk and Tyrone on the lower bunk. In the middle of the night, Rashida leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket?"

Tyrone leans out and with a glint in his eye said... "I've got a better idea. Let's pretend we're married." Rashida looked at him and thought, "He is kind of cute and Lord knows, it's been a while since I've had some good lovin'." So, she then says... "Kinda like that song by Prince, huh?"

Tyrone remarks... "Huh? What song by Prince?" Rashida laughs and says... "From Back in the day, on his 1999 CD, "Let's Pretend We Are Married."

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember. Yeah, that's it. What do you think?", smirks Tyrone. "Why not?", giggles Rashida. "Good", he replies. "Then, you can get your own blanket!"

Thursday, July 8, 2010

"Opt-Out" Options


There seems to be a mentality in this country (and I guess, in the larger modern culture) that says it's okay to do anything for money and even worse, to do anything to as many people as you can for money. People and the institutions they are a part of seem to adhere to this ideal more and more.

For some months now, I've been hearing about how new restrictions on overdraft fees will lead to "the end of free checking", as banks seek to replace the billions in fees they're about to lose. You could be forgiven if you're left with the impression that every checking account will now come with a $10.00-$15.00 mandatory monthly maintenance fee. But, that won't happen... or let's just say it better not happen or I'll take my money out, put it in a bag, and hide it in the mattress! My wife has told me that banks are fiddling with their fee structures and you'll need to pay attention to the changes or your wallet could suffer. But, you're going to have a lot of options to avoid the fees.

Banks have begun to reassess their checking accounts because of a Federal Reserve rule that, as of July 1st, will require customers' consent before they're covered by so-called "courtesy overdraft". That's the kind of overdraft program that allows people to actually spend more than they have in their accounts and then clocks them a $35.00 (or so) overdraft fee per transaction for the privilege. My question is... Why would anyone in their right mind purposely want to write out a check for money they don't have? That just sounds stupid to me.

In my lifetime, I suppose I've bounced more checks than the Harlem Globetrotters have basketballs, so this is of great interest to me. But, I never bounced a check on purpose... and likewise, no banking institution ever gave me any kind of break because I did so either. So, what gives here? They are talking about giving you a so-called "courtesy overdraft", but I see it for what it is... a subtle way for the banks to hit you with yet another fee sometime down the road. It stinks to high heaven!

Here are some reasons why banks typically signed up customers for this coverage without even bothering to tell them. Further, some banks wouldn't let you opt out. You've had this so-called "courtesy" whether you wanted it or not, and most people (when given the choice) didn't even want it. A few unsavory institutions even added the amount of this "courtesy overdraft" to the balances you'd see when you checked in at the ATM... a little stunt to encourage you to overspend. Now, see why I say that Tony Soprano and his crew were more honorable than our banking institutions?

Moderate and low-income customers (or simply stated, poor people) paid the bulk of these fees, and one-quarter of the charges were paid by people over 55 years old. Banks raked in $38.5 billion in overdraft fees last year, as estimated by Moebs Services Research Company, which was nearly double the $19.9 billion collected in the year 2000. And there it is... the old "bait and switch!" Proof positive that in this culture, telling a big lie is okay if it gets you a profit. It doesn't matter who you fool... just get that money!

Unfortunately, banks are not going to give up all that sweet, sweet profit they've been making. Unless you're a customer of Bank of America, which decided there was no way to put lipstick on this particular pig and dropped "courtesy overdraft" altogether, you've probably been getting mail and maybe even personal appeals from tellers, trying to persuade you to sign-up for "courtesy overdraft", just so your bank can continue to zing you.

Of course, you should say "NO"... and, say it just as loud as you can! Either live within the means of your checking account means or opt for true overdraft protection, which ties your checking account to a savings account, credit card, or line of credit, which will cost you a heck of a lot less than "courtesy overdraft".

Banks actually don't expect their recruitment drive to go that well, which is why Moebs says the new restrictions will decrease the fee income by $2 billion this year. The loss of that income has banks focusing on the fact that many of the checking accounts they offer aren't covering their costs. Currently, about half of all checking accounts are unprofitable, according to a study done by the Celent Research Company. About 51% of depositors don't maintain high enough balances or bounce enough checks to make back the $250.00-$300.00 a year their accounts cost to maintain. According to Celent, the accounts that are most profitable are those with balances of more than $3,000, followed by those with 10 or more overdrafts.

So, do you know what that means? It means that banks are going to find a way to stick it to you, the consumer, in the near future. You and I are probably going to lose something or be charged something... and our current culture says that that is perfectly ethical and downright American!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Skim-Flam


When HBO's "Treme" comes back next year for it's second season, the damage to the region caused by Hurricane Katrina will be passe', a thing of the past. They can talk about the fishing industry, how it has been effected by this oil spill, and how tourism to the region in general has effected the livlihood and everything else. If "Treme" is nearly as topical as the producer's other show "The Wire" was, I'm sure these topics will be dealt with.

That poor region has had it's share of bad luck, but what is worse is the lies and distortions that BP, the ones responsible for this disaster, are telling people. In the 77 or 78 days since oil from the ruptured deep water horizon began to gush into the waters of the Gulf of Mexico, BP has skimmed or burned about 60% of the amount it promised regulators it could remove in a single day.

The disparity between what BP promised in its March 24th filing with federal regulators and the amount of oil recovered since the April 20th explosion underscores what some officials and environmental groups call a misleading numbers game that has led to widespread confusion about the extent of the spill and the progress of the recovery, or let's just call it what it really is... a lie!

"It's clear they overreached," said John F. Young, Jr., Council Chairman in Louisiana's Jefferson Parish. "I think the federal government should have, at the very least, picked up a phone and started asking some questions and challenged them about the accuracy of that number and tested the veracity of that claim."

Perhaps, but the Feds could only go by the information they were given. It's obvious the Federal and State governments gave BP the benefit of the doubt about this and it should be a lesson to the de-regulation crowd that feels as though "less to no government regulation of certain businesses is the best way to go", to quote a certain TV pundit on a certain network that I will not name here. In a March report that was not questioned by federal officials, BP said it had the capacity to skim and remove 491,721 barrels of oil each day in the event of a major spill.

As of Monday, with about 2 million barrels released into the gulf, the skimming operations that were touted as key to preventing environmental disaster have averaged less than 900 barrels a day. Skimming has captured only 67,143 barrels and BP has relied on burning to remove 238,095 barrels. Most of the oil recovered, about 632,410 barrels, was captured directly at the site of the leaking well. BP officials declined to comment on the validity of early skimming projections, stressing instead the company's commitment to building relief wells intended to shut down the still-gushing well.

Yes, the writers of HBO's "Treme" will have a lot of material for next year's season... and at the rate of this disaster, for the next two seasons too!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Peddler's Village


Last week, our daughter told us about a place called ''Peddler's Village", which she said would be a great place for the family to go to on the day after Independence Day. We did the cookout thing on Saturday and I was looking for something different to do and this was indeed it.

Traveling in two cars, we took a ride about an hour away from Philadelphia (past my now defunct Air Force base) up Route 611 to the place called Peddler's Village. In particular, we spent most of time at "Giggleberry Fair", which is an indoor facility specifically for children (much like Chuck E. Cheese) at the village. As you will see from the photos, my grandson and granddaughter had the time of their lives. It was indoors and air conditoned, so it wasn't much of a strain on the grown folks either!








Sunday, July 4, 2010

Happy Independence Day!

Have a happy and safe holiday everyone.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Saturday Seven (7 Things I Could Do Without)


In honor of my 700th, that's right... my 700th post, I am writing this recurring post.

1. News about Tiger Wood's mistresses.

2. Nicki Minaj

3. Reality TV Shows

4. Nancy Grace

5. Auto Tune

6. Self-Absorbed & Self-Centered People

7. Lebron James holding several NBA teams hostage right now!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Weekend Humor

ART: "Coffee Shop" By Unknown Artist

An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a coffee shop one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the coffee shop and asked, "Excuse me, but is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes", so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in the coffee shop was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the coffee shop and asked,"Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress again nodded "yes", so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea also.

The third person to come into the coffee was Roland Brown, from 49th Street on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down, and hollered, "Hey baby, can you, hook me up with a hot cup of coffee? Thanks." He too looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's baby boy over there?" Again, the waitress nooded "yes", so the brotha said to hook up Jesus with a hot cup of coffee too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said," For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, he raised his hands, praised the Lord, and did a series of backflips out the door.

Then, Jesus walked towards Roland Brown from 49th Street. Roland jumped up and yelled, "Slow ya role, player. Don't touch me. I'm drawin' disability!"

Thursday, July 1, 2010

What I've Learned


1. Sometimes, the thing that ties you down ultimately sets you free!

2. Things are never going to turn out the way you imagine they will.

3. You have to change your view of what you think life is ever so often.

4. One should always welcome having one's mind changed.

5. I'm a constant victim of perception vs. reality!

6. More is not necessarily better. Better is better.

7. I'd prefer if people had no impression of me, because nine times out of ten, they've got me all wrong.

8. Adversity gives you two options... rollover and die or get up, brush yourself off, and keep it moving. I choose the latter.

9. All people respond to something that is important to them. Knowing this has helped me understand people I normally would not have liked.

10. Grandchildren teach you lessons you missed when you were raising their mother or father.




KEEPING THE FAITH: RANDOM PRAYERS "ON THE DOWNLOAD"
























































"Mommy, can I go to Timmy's blog and play?"



































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