Cops and Brothas

Oscar Grant

I was going to write about the murder of Oscar Grant in Oakland a few nights ago but, I didn't. I kept seeing great blog posts about it and saying that I didn't need to but, I couldn't hold this in any longer. I think of Oscar Grant, shot to death while handcuffed... I think of Sean Bell, an unarmed man who was shot to death the night before his wedding... I think of Fred Hampton, shot to death while in his bed sleeping... I thought of Michael Griffith, Rodney King, and so many others. In each case, the offending officer thought that HE was in danger.

Sean Bell

I also think about how, as a young man, I was constantly stopped by the cops for either being some place I wasn't supposed to be (according to them... I always felt as though I belonged anywhere I happened to be) or for violating the curfew. They would always catch me, just as I was crossing 60th and Girard Avenue and attempting to run through Carolls Park to my neighborhood on the other side. The cops had a little trick they used to pull back then... they would take you to a "foreign" neighborhood, drop you off, and then you had to fight that neighborhod's gang and run back to your own neighborhood. I risked having to fight some gang, possibly robbed, and then face my mother's wrath for being late. I tell you, some nights, I was just better off staying in the house!

My mother always told me and my brother to never talk back to the cops, stand perfectly still, and never make any move that could be considered "threatening". I guess she knew. She drilled that in my head especially, because I had attitude "going to bed" and I was more than likely to get smart with the cops. I, to my credit, never gave the cops any lip... After they frisked me and determined that I was no threat, they usually let me go about my business. I violated the curfew so much, that the cops in the 19th District got to know me on a first name basis. Sometimes, they even gave me a ride home. Still, I often wonder when I would hear about the Sean Bells and the Oscar Grants, if that could have been me. One night, it surely could have been...

I was 29 years old and engaged to be married. My future wife and I went to dinner out in a Philadelphia suburb. These two cops roused me and through me up against the wall. If they had been Philly cops, it would have gone down different but, these suburban yokels were cowboys and it was one of those nights when I just wasn't with this "dog and pony show". One cop, a big beefy baby-faced guy who looked a few years younger than me, acted as if he'd just caught John Dillinger... frisking me and roughing me up. He could tell by the look on my face that I didn't like it and he seemed to enjoy it even more.

His Partner was a little older, tried to be a little more humane, and said "Sorry sir, it's just that you resemble a burglary suspect". "Oh, He was black, huh?" I said back rather tersly. "Hey, lose the attitude, okay?" said his baby-faced partner. I looked at him with fire in my eyes and my right hand was trembling but, I didn't say or do anything else. They gave me back my wallet, my keys, and they let me continue my dinner. I was so enraged that all I could do was hold back tears. What could I have done but gotten myself arrested at best, killed at worse?

It was embarrassing because it happened when I was out with my fiance. Luckily, she was inside the restaurant and didn't actually witness it. I know that cops have a tough job and I by no means hate cops. I just hate killers who hide behind a badge... I hate killers who hide behind a military uniform... and I hate the cowards who justify their actions and won't do anything about the problems (i.e. politicians) I feel blessed that I didn't become an Oscar Grant or a Sean Bell. Lord knows, the way I traveled the streets at night, I easily could have been.

Cold Turkey

Once, when I was in college, I found out that a young lady I had been dating for close to a year had slept with someone else while I was away for the weekend. I actually found out about it from the person she had slept with. You see, he was somewhat of a friend. He was complaining about the fact that the two of them had stained his sheets and that she hadn't offered to wash them for him. He was pretty pissed... so pissed that he didn't realize who he was complaining to, until it was too late!

I confronted the young lady about his accusation and she appeared shocked that I knew already... then, she was obsessed with finding out who told me. Oh, she accused the entire Delta Sigma Theta Sorority. She said that they hated her because she had made her intentions known to pledge AKA. Then, she accused the AKA's because they might have thought she was a little too chummy with the Deltas. Next, she accused my "newsy" frat brothers because they never liked her in the first place.

Of course, none of these was true. I got the story from the horse's mouth. I could have told her but, I got a sadistic pleasure out of watching her try to figure it out and grow paranoid by the second wondering who was her friend, who was pretending, who could have seen her, and how they got it back to me so fast. (This was before cell phones, email, and BlackBerrys.) Mind you, she never denied it. She just wanted to know... needed to know who told.

I sat in my room for close to three days and didn't leave... I just stared out the window. I recall that I slept a lot, didn't eat, didn't bath, didn't shave... just stared out the window. It was a mild case of depression but, I will say this... all of that time allowed me to think clearly and "get my mind right ", as comedian Steve Harvey says. Well, I got my mind right and on the fourth day, I shaved, brushed my teeth, showered for a good long time, put on some clean clothes, and returned to the world. I had a new girlfriend (or at least someone to sport around) within two or three days. Today, no one would be able to do that... too many distractions with email, cell phones going off, text messages, Twitter, Blogging, etc.

So, I approached my good friend, who I spoke of in a post I wrote a few days ago. She is in the fourth day of what I'll call "relationship rehab." A guy she was involved with for four years told her last week that he was (finally) moving out. He said that he had been seeing another girl for months and that he could no longer lie about it. He told her that it wasn't her fault, that it was him, and he just couldn't "get himself together." I recalled him saying the same thing a few weeks ago at a mutual friend's Christmas get together. He kept saying, "If I could just get myself together, I'd be straight." He said this about ten times before he fell flat on his face, drunk and stoned in our mutual friend's living room. A couple of us had to help him to his car and his always loyal yet mortified girlfriend had to drive him home.

I'm sure, over a period of four years she must have grown tired of scenes like this yet, she endured. He went to rehab, came home, was "straight" for two weeks, and he was right back at it. He and I had been in the Air Force together for years and I was quite aware of his problems, which was why I told her in the very beginning to just "go out with him, have a good time but, don't get involved and don't let him move in with you." She didn't listen and four years later, we come to this.

I must admit, I didn't know about the cheating. I didn't take him for the type but, it all came out and this was one of three reasons why I have hung up my cape and long underwear. I realize that I can no longer save the world. Grown folks do what they want to do in the end and even though they ask for your advice, they never really take it unless it's what they really want to do.

My friend asked me how I handled a bad break-up and I told her the story I wrote above... how I just sat in my room and thought and thought, without being disturbed and without being around people for three days. She didn't want to do that and I wouldn't advise anyone else to do that. You can get pretty hungry and otherwise unbearable during that time. What I didn't do, however, was call that person (she wants to call her ex's sister, just to see how he's doing) or beg. I explained to her that if she hasn't heard from him, he's probably doing fine and further more, why should she care? She agreed with me but (there is always a but), I wasn't inclined to hear it.

From what I understand, she is spending her evenings watching BET (that will take your mind off of anything right there) and reading magazines. Everybody rehabs differently after a bad break-up... some people eat, some people meditate, some people cry, some people drink, and some people sleep with a series of partners until the pain subsides. I can't say what is right or wrong... it depends on the person. I just know what worked for me. I hope my friend finds something that will work for her.

Believe In Green!!!

Well, the Eagles did it again yesterday! The final score was Eagles 23, Giants 11. I guess I don't have to tell that the excitement is really building here in Philly so, stay tuned for next week's game.

What Crazy Looks Like

30th Street Train Station in Philadelphia

This past Friday, I put my car in the Firestone Shop at 32nd and Market Streets to have some minimal repairs done. Since this type of thing usually takes a couple of hours, I decided to walk over to the 30th Street Train Station to peruse some of the shops inside and pick up some newspapers and magazines.

Upon entering the train station, I thought it would be a good idea to get some money out of the ATM machine. While I was standing there, I noticed her out of the corner of my eye. She was a very attractive woman who kinda put you in the mind of the singer, Keyshia Cole, though a few years older. She was dressed very nicely and sitting at one of the many tables that are situated outside of the restaurants and coffee shops inside the train station. She had a lot of papers on the table that she was peering at and she appeared to be talking on a cell phone. I've seen this scenario a million times in the airports, train stations, and coffee shops I've gone to... people waiting for planes and trains, tapping away on laptops or blackberries, and chatting away on cell phones. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it.

I got my money, counted it, and put it in my wallet. I looked over at the lady and I could see that she was staring at me. She winked (which under the circumstances, I thought was kind of odd) and I smiled. She then asked me if I could lend her eighty cents so she could buy a cup of coffee. I get propositioned for money by homeless people and bums all the time and depending on my mood, I either let go of a few dollars or I keep walking. Today was her lucky day so, I passed her a dollar. (Where are you going to get coffee for eighty cents outside of McDonalds anyway?)This seemed strange to me because, at first glance, this was the type of woman that I would be borrowing money from... not vice versa.

Anyway, I walked over to hand her a dollar and the first thing I noticed was that all of the papers on the table were dirty and handwritten with mathematical equations and alphabets all over them in no certain order. The woman looked at me and said, "When I get my new house, I'm going to have you over and we can spend some time together." Say what? Maybe she had me mistaken for someone else, I thought! Then, she said.. "Don't mind all these documents. I'm trying to get my business plan together. I emailed Obama from my cell phone this morning. He hasn't hit me back yet but, I'm trying to get him to give me a government loan so I can set up my businesses. I have a plan to set up a franchise of homes and shelters for battered women. It would be like the McDonald's of shelters for battered women." (I kid you not, she actually said that!) She said, "I'm tired of fooling with Bush and them Republicans. I done emailed him, mailed him letters, and he ain't sent me nary a response. I just emailed Obama yesterday and I was hoping he'd get back to me before the inauguration."

Upon looking at her closer, I noticed that her "cell phone" didn't have any back on it... no cell, no battery either. It was just a frame. If she has been emailing President Elect Barack Obama on that phone, I doubt that he'll be getting back to her anytime soon. Maybe that's why Bush didn't get back to her either! Okay, At this point, you realize that I understood that this woman was out of her mind so, I backed up.

There was another sister at the ATM machine who must have heard the entire conversation. She was cracking up... laughing and banging her hand on the side of the machine. I looked at her and said, "She's crazy but, she doesn't look crazy." The sister looked at me and said, "So, what does crazy look like? She's here everyday, talking out of her head like that and she gets men to hand over twenty dollars or more to her. She must stay somewhere because she's always clean and dressed nice. I wonder if she really is crazy or if you guys are the ones who are crazy for talking to her and giving her money."

I have to admit... the sister had a point!

Saturday Seven (7 Things I'm Feeling Right Now)

1. Ethiopian Coffee
Too black, too strong, but just right to kickstart your morning.

2. Beyonce "I Am Sasha Fierce"
I said I wasn't feeling it at first but, it grew on me!

3. Foreign Exchange "Leave it all Behind"
Original R&B, mixed with a little acid jazz, and just a touch of funk.

4. Anthony Hamilton "The Point of it All"
The point being, this is real soul music here... the way it's supposed to sound.

5. "Seven Pounds" starring Will Smith
A far better movie than the critics are telling you it is. It makes you think and it keeps you engaged until you finally figure out just what it is this movie is about. After all, isn't that what good movies do?

6. Taraji P. Henson, Actress
I have been loving her since the movie "Baby Boy". She has just been giving us one great performance after another.

7. "The Right Mistake" novel by Walter Mosley
He's still my favorite author!

For Blogging Out Loud

Yesterday, a number of my favorite bloggers decided to return. I saw posts by Dreamy, The F%$K It List, Sexxy Love, The Flyest, SLC, Pocahontaz, and Rich. Some were on hiatus... some had quit the game and closed down their blogs. All of them wrote fresh posts and I was so glad to hear from them. Still no sign from Don, though. I checked out his blog (Minus The Bars) and he's still missing in action. His last post was written on October 24th. I guess he still hasn't found enough money to get away from those UFOs that are holding him hostage. Wherever he is, I wish the brother luck.

I keep saying that I'm going to take a break from blogging and read a couple of books. I just bought a new novel by Walter Mosley called "The Right Mistake" and I also have the latest novel by Diane McKinney Whetstone called "Trading Dreams at Midnight" lying on my nightstand (unread since June). Every time I say I'm going to take a break, I find something else to write a blog post about.

This was going to be one of those nights... I'm in complete chillout mode... I got a glass of red Kool-Aid, four new CD's to listen to (Foreign Exchange "Leave it All Behind", Keyshia Cole "A Different Me", Musiq Soulchild "onmyradio", and Anthony Hamilton "The Point of it All") and my two unread books. I may listen to the music... all I have to do is put that on but, I doubt that I'll get more than one chapter read in the book. Why? Because I'm here blogging, that's why. It's supposed to snow all weekend. I can read and listen to music then.

I respect bloggers who take a "blog haitus" because they hit that brick wall, they have nothing fresh to say. When or if I hit that brick wall, you won't hear from me for a few days but, I'll be back. I didn't think I had anything fresh to say tonight, and here I am blogging about blogging.

A close female friend of mine is getting used to sitting in her house alone for the first time in four years after a turbulent relationship ended with a man who was both an alcoholic and a substance abuser. He also couldn't find it in his heart not to cheat on her in the process. I was going to say that I had tried to tell her about him four years ago... that what I said went in one ear and out the other... and how I am out of the advice business forever but, Rich beat me to it. He wrote something simular today and, I ain't mad at him... I'm just glad he's back in the game. I held it down for him while he was resting (I'm just kidding, of course).

I was going to do a post about how women would be much happier if they compartmentalized like men do but, I didn't. It's all been said before and Lovebabz beat me to that and she said it best... "Grown folks know what to do, they just choose not to." So, there were my two topics, written for me. It's alright. I'm not mad. I'll come back with something fresh for my next post.

For all of my brother and sister bloggers who returned yesterday... Thanks!

Take Your Seat

Governor Blagojevitch and Roland Burris

My mother and grandmother always used to say that you are judged by the company you keep. In Roland Burris's case, he was judged unfairly, I might say, by the company or rather the person that chose to be with him... that would be the controversial and soon to be indicted Illinois Governor Blagojevitch. (Boy, that was a mouthful. I'm happy to say Ed Rendell any day. Phew!!!)

Governor Blagojevitch allegedly attempted to peddle his influence by offering to sell the empty senate seat once held by President Elect Barack Obama to the highest bidder. I guess he figured it is his state and the seat is in his state so, why can't he profit from it? I believe he allegedly said as much.

If you recall (and you would have to be living under a rock not to recall), there was much drama and gnashing of the teeth about this situation. Jesse Jackson, Jr. was thought to be the heir apparent to the seat and despite what he has said, coveted that seat greatly. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't involved in any wrong doing. But, it doesn't really matter now because the governor, who was just days out of a jail cell, got real gangsta and appointed Roland Burris to the seat. Roland Burris is the former Attorney General of Illinois and from all accounts, a good and decent man with no blood on his hands.

I gotta hand it to Governor Blagojevitch (Man, couldn't you have changed your name to Smith? Jeez!!!)... it took some nerve to do that. Apparently, he has learned nothing from O.J. Simpson. (Hell, O.J. Simpson has learned nothing from O.J. Simpson!) He tapped Burris and up until today, the senate refused to seat him. Not because of anything he had done wrong but, because of who appointed him. This goes back to what my mother and grandmother said about "the company you keep."

I'll remind everyone that Governor Blagojevitch (I'll be glad when I'm finished this post because I won't have to spell his name ever again!!!) has not been convicted of any crime and, therefore, is innocent under the law so, I suppose that he was perfectly within his right as governor for picking Roland Burris to take Obama's vacant seat. After all, he is still the elected governor of the state of Illinois. He's just as gangsta as he wants to be... crooked politician or not. He looked at the U.S. Senate and said, "What?"

Today, Roland Burris, a good and decent man, was seated, as he should have been. Hello Senator Roland Burris... take your seat please!!!

Five Down, Fifteen To Go...

I weighed myself today... 215 pounds. I've lost five pounds and I did it without even trying. I guess that's because I've missed a few meals.

I'd like to think it was because I've been taking the bus to work lately instead of driving. The bus stops at the corner of my block and it seems like I always have to chase it in the morning. Soon as I lock the door, there it goes whizzing by my house. There is a stop light at the corner. If it's red, I can catch the bus easily. If it's green, then I hope that there are a considerable amount of passengers waiting at the corner, forcing the bus to stop. The run to the bus is great early morning exercise. Then, I take the trolley home. The trolley stops right outside my work place but, lets me off about eight blocks from my house. I walk the eight blocks as opposed to waiting for another bus... once again, this is great exercise.

Of course, there is eating or the lack of it. Some mornings, I miss breakfast altogether. Depending on what I'm doing, I might miss lunch too. Then, I go home and have a big dinner. After that, I do some reading, some blogging, and watch a little television. Yesterday, I fixed pasta. I melted butter into a frying pan, added garlic, some orange, yellow, red, and green peppers to it and poured it over the pasta. I then sprinkled the pasta with cooked shrimps and served it to my family. I'm allergic to most seafood so, all I could do was enjoy watching them eat it. I had pasta, with a light marinara sauce, minus any ground beef.

I have not had any beef or pork this year... just chicken and turkey. No fried chicken either, just baked. The loss of the five pounds doesn't excite me because I'm just one hoagie or cheese steak away from gaining it back. I'm going to try to be good and leave that most comforting of comfort foods alone for a minute. At 6'1+1/4" and 215 lbs., I don't look fat to the person just meeting me but, to family members and people who have known me most of my life, I look like the Notorious B.I.G. (remember, I was about 167 lbs. when I got married... a real skinny guy). The words big and me should have never been synonymous.

So, I'm down five pounds and got fifteen to go to make my goal. Who knows? I might just lose that twenty pounds by March 24th after all!

Everybody Could Win If...

The Free Library of Philadelphia

Philadelphia, like Detroit, Chicago, Baltimore, and one hundred other cities in the United States, is close to being broke. Our mayor, through no fault of his own, will not be able to balance the city's budget and with the looks of things in the United States right now, not much help will be coming from the federal government anytime soon. In all fairness, how many institutions can they bail out?

In order to balance part of the city's budget, our mayor has proposed the closing of several non-regional libraries and firehouses. Take a guess where these libraries and firehouses are and who gets affected by this the most? According to the mayor and his staff, the city will save so many millions of dollars by doing this.

As of this writing, a judge has blocked the mayor from closing the libraries but, the firehouses might not be as lucky. If I recall, this is the second time in my lifetime that something like this has been proposed. It wasn't very popular the first time it was proposed either. You may save the city's budget but, piss off a lot of its citizens in the meanwhile. When the city cuts services like this, it causes a lot of people to get fed up and move away... and you still lose your tax base, which after all, pays for the city to run. However, there is a feasible solution to this mess. Do you wanna know what it is? Glad you asked and here it is... a win win situation.

You know that I'm a die-hard Philadelphia sports fanatic, right? It has come to my attention that the Philadelphia Eagles, Sixers, Phillies, and Flyers all owe the city of Philadelphia, upwards to millions of dollars in unpaid back taxes and other fees. The Eagles have been in court, arguing that they should be given more time to pay and should not have to pay the entire amount that the city says it owes. Here is a thought... Instead of paying the city all of the money, how about each team "adopt a library and a firehouse slated to be closed and provide the finances needed to keep the mayor from having to close them. This works as a great public relations tool for the team (i.e. "The Sixers have adopted the Parkside branch of the Free Library"), it saves the library, acts as a boon to the community, and cuts down a part of the team's debt. Everybody comes out smelling like a rose and everybody wins!

There is a local activist who has been screaming, blogging, and e-mailing anyone who will listen for years that the city ought to make these teams accountable to the community in other ways than just having an athlete visit a sick child in the hospital and taking a couple of photos with them but, no one in the last administration or the present one wanted to demand anything from the sports franchises. The Eagles, Phillies, Sixers, and Flyers all have brand new state of the art playing fields and stadiums that I can only afford to actually go to once a season. They make plenty of money. My cable bill alone can attest to it. The same organization that owns my cable company, also owns the Sixers and Flyers. Are you all starting to get my drift here?

What I am proposing can be done. Everybody involved could win if somebody in City Hall would really think outside the box and make this happen. It's called corporate sponsorship. It's done everyday. In the streets, it's called "calling in your markers." Because, if you dance to the music, sooner or later, you got to pay the piper. Ask yo mama!

Redemption At The Supermarket

OK, you all know how I feel about resolutions, right? I'm going to go on record and say that what I'm about to write right now is not so much a resolution but rather, a pledge. I pledge to be more forgiving and understanding of people in the coming year. Last night, my wife and I went to the movies to see Will Smith in "Seven Pounds". Without giving any of the movie away, let me say that my take on it was of a man riddled with guilt and unable to forgive himself. With that said, I won't say anymore about the movie. You really have to see it to understand what I'm saying. Case in point...

I drove to the nearest supermarket (Shop-Rite) this morning to pick up a few things... some Hefty trash can liners and tall kitchen bags. I also picked up two bottles of mildew remover and a Jet Magazine with Keisha Cole on the cover. I think everything came up to about $28.50. The supermarket has a policy that you cannot take grocery bags into the restroom with you so, I told the cashier that I was going to leave my two bags on the side to be picked up when I returned. She nodded. I returned a few minutes later only to discover that my bags were gone.

The cashier, who was in a conversation with the other cashier across from her about who was the flyest, Little Wayne or T.I., suddenly realized what happened and she said, "Oh, I'm s-o-o-o sorry, somebody just walked off with your groceries! They just walked out... if you hurry, you can catch them. They couldn't have gone far!" I dashed out of the store and into a parking lot filled with people. Several cars were pulling off and people were everywhere. The person with my groceries could be long gone! I ran back in and asked the cashier what did the person look like? She couldn't remember. I asked if the person was a man or woman? She just gave me blank stare! What was true was that my groceries were gone.

I was asked if I had a receipt. It was in the bag with the groceries! The manager was called and my plight was explained to him. He asked me for a receipt. It was in the bag. He said that he could look at the tape of the transactions made and give me a duplicate receipt. He needed to know how much the groceries were. I said, "$ 28.50." It took him about twenty minutes but, he found proof of my transaction and I was able to get the same things I originally purchased and go about my business.

I should have been incensed and I admit being a little perturbed for a few minutes... but, I realized that making an ugly scene was not going to get me any satisfaction any quicker. I also remember what it was like to be a teenager, working a mundane minimum wage job, and have my head in the clouds. Been there, done that. I thanked the manager for taking care of the manner and I walked away.

I even forgave the cashier. People make mistakes and nobody is perfect. One of the criticisms that is most thrown around about me is that I don't always pay attention to detail. This made me think about being more detail attentive in my own day to day work to avoid such mishaps. A mishap that might have turned ugly was handled so quietly that nobody else in the store was even aware that it happened. I was proud of myself for showing restraint when I had every reason to explode. By not exploding, I didn't make the cashier or manager's day bad and everybody walked away a winner.

This year, I pledge to show forgiveness and understanding and practice restraint. This is not a resolution. It's my pledge... to not only forgive others but, to forgive myself too for my own past shortcomings. It's a good way to start off 2009, if I do say so myself!

The Football Gods Are Still Smiling!!!

Well, it's been another great football weekend for me... Eagles 26, Vikings 14. Next week, we meet the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants for a divisional playoff game. How did your team do this weekend?

What I've Learned

1. It's better to roll with the "seven" who loves and adores you than to take a chance on the "ten" who just tolerates you.

2. I have never once talked to any female who used any of those "ten things to drive your man wild in bed" pointers that are featured in magazines like Redbook. I always figured those articles were written for people in the waiting rooms of their respective doctor or dentist.

3. Sometimes, it's just not about money.

4. I'd much rather try something and fail miserably than to not try and spend the rest of my life wondering, "what if ?"

5. Sometimes, it's not about sex.

6. My father died suddenly, the day after Father's Day 2002, and I thought in the moments after I got the news that I knew very little about his life... as a young man in the service, the types of women in his past, etc. I was going to have that conversation with him one day. You always think you've got all the time in the world... in those quiet moments, I realized that I did not.

7. My grandson teaches me everyday how beautiful it is to learn something new and how we take the simple things like talking, walking, holding hands, and trusting someone for granted.

8. You don't want to meet a lot of celebrities you admire... you're always let down in some
way.

9. Most people who are portrayed as larger than life usually aren't (this just re-inforces what I said in number 8).

10. The first time I heard Tupac Shakur rap, I knew he was destined to be a star. I also knew that he wasn't going to be around to see his thirtieth birthday. He just had that look, that
starcrossed look. Biggie had it too!

11. Fidelity is the greatest thing you have in life because it's yours and no one else's. Word truly is bond.

12. It's far easier to overcome adversity than it is sucess. After sucess, what do you do next?