Weekend Humor

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
...

"Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my goodness!

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my!"

"WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!

"Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to
me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?"

"Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What's wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Have A Great Weekend Everybody!

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Weekend Humor

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not be served additional liquor at this bar, and could a cab be called for him?
...

The drunk is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool and staggers out the front door.

A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the SIDE door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink.

The bartender comes over and, still politely - but more firmly, refuses service to the man due to his inebriation, and again offers to call a cab.

The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink.

The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries " DAMN Man! How many bars do you work at?"

EVERYBODY HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!

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Weekend Humor

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates.

 St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

For example, was the man religious in life? Did He attend church regularly? He did not,

St. Peter told him that's bad.

Was he generous? Did he give money to the poor? Charities? He did not?

St. Peter told him that that too was bad.

Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? He did not?

St. Peter was becoming concerned.

Exasperated, St. Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!"

The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.
I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face".


"Wow", said Peter, "That's impressive. When did this happen"?

"Oh, about 10 minutes ago", replied the man.


EVERYBBODY HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!