Friday, September 7, 2012
Weekend Humor
A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday
"I need to inspect your farm for illegal growing drugs."
I said "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....",
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Look here buddy, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. "See this damn badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?.... do you understand?!!"
I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores
"Okay Boss, you got it." I said.
A short time later, I heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH....HELP....HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!! OHHHHHHHH HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!....HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.... OH LAWDDDDDD, ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH"
I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of my lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your damn BADGE!!"
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KEEPING THE FAITH: RANDOM PRAYERS "ON THE DOWNLOAD"
DEAR GOD: My heart is heavy with my own failures. I try to excuse them and explain to myself why they occurred, because I want to be free from the feeling that I am unworthy and incapable of being all that I can be. But I find it easier to accept your forgiveness than to forgive myself. When I try to forgive myself, it seems I only remember and re-play my failures in my mind, and a sense of hopelessness floods over me. Help me to know that my past actions are a part of my growing humanity and that even when I fail to live up to what is your will for me, every single moment can be lived anew. Remind me that refusing to forgive myself only keeps me from experiencing that newness. Assure me of the truth that by casting “my sins into the depth of the sea”, you have freed me to discard them myself and live the next moment as if it were my first, for indeed it is. I ask this for the sake of your love. Amen.
3 comments:
Sitting in my office HYSTERICALLY LMAO! OMG Keith this was awesome. This was the best laugh I've had this week. ^5 for that luv!
OMG! That was a really good one Keith!
Hilarious!!!
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