THINGS OUR MOTHERS TAUGHT US

1. My mother taught me to appreciate A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that comes out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. “Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. “If you fall  and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY. “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. “Shut your mouth and eat your dinner.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. “Just look at all that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. “You’ll sit there until all that food on your plate is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. “This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. “Just wait until we get home.”

13. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. “You are going to get it when you get home.”

14. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stay that way.”

15. My mother taught me ESP. “Put your sweater on. Don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

16. My mother taught me HUMOR. “When you fall and bust your behind, don’t come running to me.”

17. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

18. My mother taught me GENETICS. “You’re just like your father.”

19. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

20. My mother taught me WISDOM. “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

21. And, my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. “One day, you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you!”