Jason's Back!

Friday The 13th Official Website

There are still serious issues to discuss and serious posts to write but, this isn't going to be one of them. It's Saturday!

I went to see Friday the 13th yesterday because I was chilling out. "Madea Goes To Jail" was sold out and I just wanted some "mindless" fun (the emphasis here being on mindless). This Friday the 13th didn't disappoint... it was as mindless and cliched as a motion picture could be.

You know, I saw the original Friday the 13th (1980) and, believe it or not, it was actually a very good movie. It had a believable plot and the story kept you engrossed and actually scared you. This was probably the first of what was to become known as the "slash and dash" genre. Jason wasn't in the original Friday the 13th. For those of you who have never seen original, I suggest you rent it.

Jason was mentioned... he was a little boy who drowned in 1958, because the randy young camp counselors were having sex (in 1958?) and not paying attention to him. Twenty-two years later, his mother, who was built like one of the linebackers on the Pittsburg Steelers and still upset about her son drowning, went on a killing spree on Friday the 13th. She killed young randy campers who probably were just being born the year that Jason "bought it" in the lake.

It was a great horror movie except, they had to make a sequel! If you saw the original, you know that Jason's mother really lost her head. Seriously, she was beheaded at the end of the movie. So, they decided to bring Jason up from the bottom of the lake. I suppose he was about 29 years old by that time and really pissed off that he was left for dead so many years ago. So, he takes up where mommy left off... ("Kill them, mommy. Kill them!!!")

For a guy that's been at the bottom of a lake, Jason looks like hell and I suppose that's why he wears the hockey mask (even he can't stand the way he looks). He's also an Olympic athlete in that, he can catch young campers a generation younger than him, slaughter them with ease, and in the most gruesome ways. And, that's because they are busy having sex.

It never fails... in all thirteen Friday the 13th movies that follow, Jason kills kids after they finish having sex, smoking a doobie, or sitting on the toilet. He even leaves Crystal Lake, goes to Manhattan, goes to Hell, and then reappears in outer space. That's how ridiculous the sequels got.

So, here comes this one... the new movie. It takes place right now in 2009 at Crystal Lake. The new crew of doomed campers features a Black guy, an Asian guy, and several sexy, young blonde females who are going to have sex only with the two white guys who came along on the trip. From the first time I see this crew I know one thing... that only one of them was going to make it through this movie.

Well, I was wrong about that but, that's only because there is another girl, already trapped in the woods, who is going to make it. I knew that both the Black guy and the Asian guy were not going to be having sex with these white girls and I was right about that. I also knew that neither of them was going to make it through this movie alive and I was right again.

As for the girls in the movie, one who was a little too eager to shed her clothes with a guy she barely knows was going to die. Another girl, who can't wait until the host's girlfriend is off the scene before bedding him, is going to die. The joint smoking loser, the stuck up host, and an innocent naive cop who is foolish enough to come out there by himself are also going to die. Where was this cop for the past 29 years? Did he not see any of the other movies?

Hell, I wish I hadn't seen this one!