The Text That Broke The Camel's Back!

Okay, I'll admit it... I'm a petty man by nature. I can't talk about other people's faults and not talk about my own. I don't ask for much in life but, the little that I do ask for, I expect to get. No excuses... that's just how I am. I have certain rules of etiquette. If you are a friend of mine and you break these rules, you may not be a friend of mine much longer. I suppose it all began in the first grade...

Christmas was approaching and we were having something called a pollyanna so, I had to get a gift for the person whose name I pulled from the hat. My uncle took me to the "five and dime" store (better known as Woolworth) on 52nd street and we bought a nice bright racing car for the person that I would have wanted for myself. I was so proud of the gift that I couldn't wait for my school chum to open it... I was just bursting with joy. Do you know what I got in return? A pair of socks! That's right... the cheap bastard got me a pair of socks and what was worse, they were too big. My mother, grandmother, and uncle thought it was funny but, I didn't find the humor in it because I wanted a toy too.

From that day on, I rarely (if ever) participated in pollyannas... not family, not school, not college, not fraternity, not in the Air Force, and definitely not at any job. People have probably called me "Scrooge" but, I have always declined to participate just the same. Now don't get me wrong, if I have a friend or acquaintence that I'm particulary close to or fond of, I will buy them a nice gift and not necessarily expect anything back. But, that's different because I wanted to give them a gift and not because I was part of some organized tradition where I was supposed to give a gift and expect to get something equally nice back!

With my friends, and especially my close friends, I expect some parity too. For instance, I had a friend (and the emphasis is on HAD) who I would get a birthday gift and a Christmas gift for every year. When my birthday would come around, I would be lucky if I got a card and I would get my Christmas gift about three months later on my birthday as a sort of combination gift. I didn't want to bring it up to them because that would have been kinda... well, you know, in poor taste.

Eventually, I stopped buying birthday gifts and Christmas gifts for this person and just started sending cards. Recently, this person had the nerve to mention to me that I didn't buy gifts and I played the "poor mouth" card. I said that I was married, had a family, and now with grandchildren so, I just couldn't swing it.

A few days before my birthday this year I got a text message saying "Happy Birthday" from this person. It was the kind of text that makes noise and the phone provider probably sends you. I shook my head... I couldn't believe it. Come Mother's day, I called my friend (as I do every woman I know) and wished her a "Happy Mother's Day". I mean, come on... it's Mother's Day. You know what I got yesterday? A Text message that said "Hapy Father's Day" and it wasn't even spelled right. Come on... they left out one of the p's! Well, that was the text that broke the camel's back.

Am I too old fashioned to expect a call? I make calls. If we are good friends, shouldn't we be a little more personal than a text? Don't get me wrong... a text message is cool for a lot of things but so uncool when you're asking somebody out on a date, when you're breaking up with somebody (to me, that's downright cowardly), and when you're sending greetings for birthdays , Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc. Is it just me? I like a call or a face-to-face, if possible. You can text me about the game, Kanye West's new album, the guy's toupee' in church that fell off when pastor really got to goin' in his sermon. But dammit, call me or come see about me on the days that really matter!