Tuesday, December 9, 2008

"The One"

My uncle used to tell me to never ask a woman about the men in her past or her past in general because they would possibly lie to you (and you still wouldn't know) or worse... they might tell you something that you would rather not know. For the most part, most of the women I dated usually wound up telling me their life stories after a few dates anyway and long phone calls after midnight into the wee hours of the morning. (Does anybody even do that anymore?)

Now, from reading this blog, you know that I have had a few stories to tell myself. Mostly humorous stories about the comic opera and melodrama that was my life but, nothing that really cut to the surface of who I really was (or am). For years, I was good at that... wearing a mask and hiding who I really was to a lot of women. The reason for that is because I wasn't sure if this woman or that woman was "the one" and until I was sure, I wasn't going to lay it all out there. No, I just wasn't gonna put myself out there like that.

I remember watching "A Bronx Tale" with Robert DeNiro (or Bobby D., as I call him), in which he was telling his son that when he meets the woman who gets in the car and opens his side of the car for him when he's getting in, he will have met one of the "great ones" and that she would be the keeper. I watched that scene and a light bulb went off in my head... yeah, that's right.

My father nor my uncle told me nothing to compare to that but, I had in my mind all along what to look for when one of the "great ones" came along. Now mind you, I've dated bi-curious women, ex-strippers, women who would have been better off stripping or doing something other than stepping into my world, and Beyonce wannabe's, twenty-three years ahead of the actual emergence of the genuine article. (Chew on that for a minute 'cause I just confused the hell out of myself but, I think I know what I meant... high maintenance types.)

My "great one" moment came on the first date I had with Rosalyn... and like a lot of good things in my life, I didn't even know it when I had found it. I met her, made a date to go out with her, and promptly forgot I was supposed to take her out. I don't think I had seen her for about a week after we agreed to go out so, when she called on that Saturday, I wasn't dressed, wasn't prepared, or nothing. My father was over and he took the call. When I came walking in, all sweaty from playing basketball that afternoon he said, "Were you supposed to be going out with somebody tonight?" First, I shook my head "no" and then, it hit me..."Oh Lord, I forgot!" (There's that calling God thing again.) He laughed and said, "She called you... now, that's a keeper. See, anybody else would have let you forget the date and been on your back about how you stood them up, especially since you haven't called her all week." I scratched my head and wondered how he even knew that.

Well, I immediately called her and just told the truth... that I had forgot and I would still take her out but, I was going to be late. She said that it was okay and she would wait. I had to shave, shower, and press my clothes. (Does anybody still do that?) Then, I had to get on the bus (I didn't have a car then) and catch a trolley to her apartment. She was waiting, just like she said, and she didn't give me a hard time about it either. I definitely wasn't used to that.

We went to a very tony Japanese restaurant downtown that I picked and it was way out of my league. (I would be taking my lunch to work all next week, I thought.) It was there that she said something that sealed the deal for me... "Are you sure you can afford this because I can help out with the bill, if you need me to?" Now, this was totally foreign to me... I just wasn't used to this from anyone and that was my "great one" moment.

This happened years before "A Bronx Tale" was even released but, that was when I knew that I had met the woman I was going to marry. It was never going to get any better than this, I reasoned and, for once, I was right. The rest is, as they say, history. A lifetime later and she's still offering to help me pay when we go someplace that I just have to go to but, is way out of my league.

Today, people need to know your credit score. (I mean come on, do you really? If you're on the verge of bankruptcy, I might want to know that but, I don't really need to know your credit score.) They also need to know if you have or ever had a sexually transmitted disease (now, that is important). They even need to know if you've had any stalkers or other crazy men/women in your life (again, that is important) before they can even think about having that "great one" moment... when the person you're dating becomes something more and evolves into... the one.

While all of that is very important in a new millennium kind of way, hopeless romantic that I am, I would still be looking for that part of a person's soul, a part of that person's personality that could gel with mine in that unexplainable moment that you only know when it's happening. Some people call it magic. I do know this... credit scores, stalkers, and STDs have little or nothing to do with it.

(This is for Don, one of the baddest bloggers in the game, who's missing right now. If you're out there somewhere, holla back at a brother 'cause you would've written this better!)


Anonymous said...

To be honest with you...I can tell you about all their sorry asses. No I dont think its me ...I think that I am just so so sweet and its my fault that I let them run over me...I fall in love too quick...and I never like to accept apologies... I keep it moving.

Sunflower said...

Interesting Perspective Keith

Halo said...

Wow Keith, I really liked this post,I had to read it twice.

Lisa said...

Hey Keith,I'm still waiting for my
"great one" moment.

Vanessa said...

Hey Keith,loved this post but I beg to differ, A credit score is important if you're planning to start a life with somebody and would like to buy a house...Your partners bad credit becomes yours too. Just saying.

Angie B. said...

Another great insight into the male mind.-lololol-Hi Keith.

Toni said...

I can never be first anymore-lolol.
A very enlightening post Keith and a sweet story as well.

James Perkins said...

I see eye to eye with you bruh,Went through the same type of things myself.

Simon Bastion said...

I'm looking for my "great one" moment too.

TATE2 said...

I'm dating a lot of women lately and a lot of your relationship posts have been very helpful in shaping my thought processes.

Grrover The Playboy said...

@Tate2-Dating a lot of women lately,huh? You sound like me son-lololol.

Jazzy said...

Stopping through again Keith, interesting topic as usual.

Shorty said...

As always, a great post! My husband told me the same story about the Bobby D line (years after we've been together), and watched to see if I would unlock his door when we first were dating. He still drives the same old truck w/o automatic locks as when we were first together, so when we take his truck I still lean over and unlock his door. And, I used to offer to go "dutch" or pick up our tab when we went out. Thanks for the reminder of how courtship was!!! I forget about those days too often!

Raven said...

Yeah where is Don???

Anyway...I liked this a lot. When hubby and I started dating he said his "the one" moment was our pre-date. We worked together at a Best Buy and one morning we had a store meeting. We were scheduled to go out for the first time later that night, but after the meeting I asked him if I could treat him to breakfast and it would take pressure off the date later on. He accepted...so while we were looking over the menu I wanted to see if he had a sense of humor so I said to him (I'm sooo ashamed of this), but I told him as I pointed to the side of the menu with higher prices, "that is the put out side of the menu...you order from that side...it's on". He stopped reading and looked up at me and didn't say anything. So when the waitress came he told her he wanted two of everything on the menu. We still laugh about that to this day...12 years later. Plus when he found out I love THEM COWBOYS he knew I was the one.

Great post!!!

Pajnstl said...

i'm going to ask my husband when he knew i was "the 1". knowing his silly ass, he'll probably say he's still figuring it out. lol

good post keith.. *off to harrass the hubby* lol

Anonymous said...

Great post. I like how it went full circle.

Moanerplicity said...

I recall that line from a Bronx Tale. It was kinda profound because it spoke of a Moment in Time when you Realize This ONE is different... this one came to stay!

In my own experience it has been a moment of pure unexpectedness, whether it be a crazy form of kindness, a gesture that leaves me with my mouth hanging open, or simply remembering my birthday in a way that one one else ever had.

In each of those instances, I felt that I'd found The One. And sometimes, it was The One who taught me something deep about myself. Or The One who would always be a vital part of my life.

And finally,it was The One who stole my heart.


Opinionated Diva said...

I agree with Sunflower...very interesting perspective Keith.

There are a LOT of women (myself included) who offer to pay, who don't give a brother a hard time when something slips his mind...and there are a LOT of men who try to take advantage of that. They don't see it for what it is.

I think you're wife came at the right time...when you were ready...to accept "the one" into your life.

Mizrepresent said...

Loved this...funny thing, on me and dudes first date, i also offered to split the bill, he looked at me real crazy like and said, "no thank you, but thank you, because no woman has ever offered." What was the moment that i thought he was special, when he arrived, he jumped out his car, and ran around to open my door, then later, did something i hadn't seen in years, he pulled my chair for me...chivalry isn't dead, not at all.

Arlene said...

You are right. Roz is THE ONE. I saw her this morning and we walked part of the way down Broad Street together. As long as I've known Roz I've felt that she is perfect for you. What love!! You two are blessed.

The Dreamy One said...

wow, love this post. great story though of how you and your wife came full circle and you knew she was the one.

i guess for me......

i have given up on love. I dont think that it is meant for me. i dont even think about finding that special person that is meant for me anymore.

but thats just the way I feel,lol. Im not bitter about anymore. I have just learned to love me and be content with the person that I am. if he comes he does, if he doesnt then ohhh well.

Somebodies Friend said...

I knew my gal was 'The one' on our first date.

I had been in so many bad relationships that I still kept my distance a bit, but our first date was magical!!

I needed this because I have been giving her a hard time lately, and I will promise her that I am done riding her tonight when I get home.

It isn't fair to her, a lot of the stuff is things we have already discussed, so most of it is old news, I don't need to keep rubbing it in.

I feel bad!

I'll figure out a way to make it up to her, but nobody say anything, ok1

crys said...

hmmm very interesting keith.
next, i'll need you to go into the one vs. the one right now

The F$%K it List said...

What a great story! I remember when I knew my hubby was the one for me, we were 17 years old and I was leaving for College. And at first he wouldn't come over and then he showed up with flowers and he was all teary eyed. After he helped me load all my stuff into the motor home and kissed me goodbye I was off. I was so sad but when I looked out the window I saw him on his bike riding next to the motor home. He rode like that all the way to the highway. I knew then that he was the one.

That makes me so teary eyed to even put that out there.

To answer your question: We still speak late at night on the phone while he's at work

The Bronx tale is my ultimate favorite movie.

And I press everything, to the point where my husband is like really, the sheets babe! heheh.

CurvyGurl said...

I tell ya, Keith, no matter how many funny stories you include there's always a part that gives me hope...I know my co-star's out there...somewhere...

Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

I LOVE this post!!!

I believe in love...true love...that can see beyond the BS that has made an attempt to cover it. Yes, you should know someone's sexual history (I work in a science lab, and its no joke), and things like that, but some of these things are crazy. What ever happened to the old fashion love...the love that was around pre my birth year (1984)...that love that was truly unconditional?

Swaggie said...

My first time over here...Loved This story...Love your blog too.

Strongblkwmn said...

Another great one!

I knew my husband was the one when he grabbed my hand as we were about to cross the street. It may sound corny, but I felt like he cared for my safety.

I was only 15, and he was 18, when we met. I'm now 40 and he's 43 and we're still making it do what it do.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hi Keith,

You know I love a good love story with a happy ending more than anyone.

Allow me to offer another dimension though that I am seeing with far toooo many of our sistas...

There are many black women are often so desperate for male attention and so desperate from seeing the statistics about the lack of marriageable black men that they are willing to say "oh well, he stood me up, I'll be flexible" and "oh well, he picked a restaurant he can not afford, and I'll help pay and be flexible" and "oh well, he can't afford to pay for a cab to take us to the restaurant so I'll be flexible" and "oh well so he cheated on me and got her pregnant, we'll work through this".

This is compromise due to desperation.

All compromise is NOT rooted in feelings of charity.

I realize that YOUR story was much different though. There wasn't any desperation involved in her choices.

This is not the case for many women.

For exampple, I know one woman who dates homeless men from the shelter around the corner from her home and pays for EVERYTHIng just to have a man.

How many black women are knowingly man-sharing? Plenty. They PRETEND that they aren't man-sharing when he comes over once or twice a week and she never sees him any time in between. The time he sees HER is on his terms.

Sometimes women tell themselves "oh I'm being flexible" or "oh I'm being generous" but the real feeling that is in their heart is truly one of feeling desperate and lonely.

I see many black women justifying their desperation with these acts of charity with men WHO DO NOT reciprocate the generosity that they are showing. It is very sad....

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!

R. Fitzgerald said...

Great story. I really enjoy the way you pen your stories, kinda gives you that sitting around with old friends feeling.

This also made me think of my "the one" moment. Mine basically occured when I fell sick and my wife was the only one that really took the time to see about me. I was down for about a week. The other two young ladies breezed through and kept it moving, but the wife made me hot toddy's, brought food and basically made sure a brother got back to normal. After that, I immediately gave the others their walking papers.


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