Wednesday, March 11, 2009

He Didn't Look Like The Type

Rhianna & Chris Brown

I wrote a post last year during Domestic Abuse Month (October) about an acquaintance of mine who cold-cocked his girlfriend right in front of me while we were riding in his car because she complimented me on my shirt. He viewed it as being "disrespectful" to him. He also told me that if I didn't like it, (which I didn't and I told him so) I could get out of the car too. I wound up having to take the bus, the El, and another bus home from my destination and so did the girl, who had a swollen face and a black eye.

I brought this back up because I've heard yet another story about Rhianna and Chris Brown today and why he beat her up. The point is, not only do I not care why he beat her up, there is no why he had to do it, as far as I'm concerned. I kept looking at his photo when the story first broke and remembering the guy I saw in the movie "This Christmas". I kept saying, "He doesn't look like the type." Then, I had to catch myself... just what does an abusive man look like?

My former friend who punched his girlfriend in the car we were riding in didn't look the type either. For one thing, he was short (about 5' 7"), had a cherub-like baby face (the kind old ladies like to pinch), and was of slight build. Yet, he terrorized his girlfriend. In my previous post, I talked about how he had knocked another of his girlfriends down a flight of stairs, which caused her to lose the child she was carrying. He was a vicious little guy and during the entire time I knew him, he and I had argued quite a bit but, he never raised his hand to strike me. I believe I gave him plenty more reason to do so than any of his girlfriends yet, the thought never came to his mind (which is why he's alive today).

The night he told me to get out of his car, after he hit the girl, I called him a punk and a few other unprintable things. Yet, he did nothing to me, except drive off. He even apologized (to me) a few days later. Which brings up one of my main theories about guys who beat on women. They almost never flex or get chest up with other guys. I have never seen a case of that yet. They terrorize women but, are as meek as a lamb with men. So, I call abusive men what they really are... bullies. (I was thinking of another word that begins with a "b" but, I'm a Christian now and I don't talk like that anymore. Y'all get my drift, right?)

A man should never put his hands on a woman. If you get that angry, walk away. The same strategy could be used when dealing with other men too... just walk away. Nowadays, that could save you from being shot or stabbed.

I am hearing that Chris Brown got a text message from his cougar of a manager, who he's been seeing since he was 16 years old. Rhianna allegedly got upset about it and tossed his BlackBerry and car keys out into the street. This is what led to the punching, biting, and scratching that now threatens to derail both of their careers and possibly land him in deep legal waters.

I don't know if this story is true or not but, of the many I have heard, this sounds the most credible and logical. It doesn't really matter. Of all of the stories I've heard, Chris Brown still was not justified in punching Rhianna. I have also heard that this is not the first time this has happened between them either... it was just the first time that Chris was caught! It wouldn't surprise me if that turned out to be true too... just like it doesn't surprise me that Rhianna has gone back to him.

My former friend's girlfriend eventually went back to him too but, she didn't stay long. A lot of these women go back to the abusive guy because they don't feel as though they have anywhere else to go. Their sense of self-worth has been stripped and they don't feel as though anyone else will want them. This is the little shell game that the abusive guy runs on these women. The truth is usually the reverse... he's the one who nobody will want!

The best thing to do when you're in a relationship and somebody hits you once is to leave and never return. Once it begins, there is no reason to think that it's not going to continue. I can't tell you how many times I have put on my cape and told someone this and they haven't listened... even made excuses as to why they were hit, like it was their fault. This is why I retired from the superhero business. My warnings fell on deaf ears.

I don't know Chris Brown or Rhianna and I don't pretend to know what happened that night in Hollywood. Unlike a lot of people, I'm not that invested in knowing either but, I did see the end result of what happened and regardless, Rhianna didn't deserve that... and she deserves better than what she's giving herself by continuing to be a part of it.

Related Post: Click here to see "Conspiracy of Silence" 10/09/08.


Anonymous said...

I Love you so much for this, friend;

" there is no why he had to do it as far as I'm concerned"

THANK YOU and may i say is a GODDAMNED shame that in almost every otherblog Grown ass dudes are reaching into thin air and making excuses for him and what ifs scenarios

so I commend you on having the moral fiber and class and real masculinity and decency to say there is NO VALID WHY to this shit

Untouched Jewel said...

This was a really good post. I even wrote on the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna thing called 'When does domestic violence go too far?'

I must say that even if she got hit, because his child molesting manager wanted to whore around with him that night, still didn't mean he had to beat the living crap out of Rihanna either. She's the one that is suffering from his whorish ways, and it's sad that even in the midst of all that drama, she still wants him back. SMH.

What the two of them fail to realize is that even though they are just celebrities, they are setting the stage for today's youth and showing them that it's okay to get beat down by some young punk who doesn't know when to keep his hands (and other body parts) to himself. They fail to realize that they are primary examples to fans and teenagers that watch them in the spotlight, and just this whole situation just adds fuel to the fire of the statistics of young women and teenage girls who deal with domestic violence at the hands of their significant other.

I don't want to write no whole essay on my comment alone, but I do commend you for being the type of person that was willing to stick your neck out and let women know that there are men out there who are punks and bullies. Even if the heeded warnings fall on deaf ears, it doesn't mean they aren't listening at all. It just means that they hear you, but it won't sink in until the 11th hour.

Peace and Blessings.

Sunflower said...

Thanks Keith, Thanks for standing up for women!

Political Sean said...

Well Said Good Brother!

Toni said...

Thank You Keith!

Vanessa said...

Standing and Applauding..."There is no WHY he had to do it as far as I'm concerned." Damn right!

Angie B. said...

Great Post and I'm with Qucifer,I love you for this too Keith!

Lisa said...

Bravo Keith, this was the was a solid statement and it avoided being gossipy. Great Post!

Halo said...

Great Post Keith...Thanks for standing up for sisters and victims of domestic violence.

James Perkins said...

Great Post Brother...well written.

Simon Bastion said...

Good Post My brother!

Tate2 said...

You bring up a good point about abusive guys..They never do get violent or rammy with other guys.
Call em what they are..bytch a&&

Swaggie said...

I got sisters man and female cousins and they better not ever run into a guy like your former friend...not and I hear about it!

Grover Tha Playboy said...


Jazzy said...

Nuff Said...Point Taken Good brother!

Anonymous said...

Thank You for writing this..So many females need to hear this message. That after one time, there should never be another time.

Captain Jack said...

Great Post Keith...It needed to be said.

Shorty said...

Great post, Keith. You are so right on so many levels. I hope that women (and men who are abused by women) realize that they are worth more than being somebody's punching bag. At some point, tho, I hope that someone beats the crap out of the beaters...just for the sake of being fair. That whole "do unto others" Golden Rule justification, you know what I mean?

Moanerplicity said...

Great post. Important post, Brotha.

I really can't pretend to understand the mindset of the abused, and it's mad scary to even try to enter the mind of the abuser.

Some people tend to think of love as something outside of themselves, and to BE loved by someone else requires that they withstand whatever comes their way in order to RETAIN that love. That's crazy thinking!

But love of SELF is the ultimate LOVE.

If someone lays a hand on you, in that moment, Love is absent. And if one chooses to take them back, then love of SELF and love of one's own well-being has clearly taken a back seat.

There is no archetype for someone who abuses. They can be anyone from anywhere, all social strata, with one thing in common: there's something damaged and broken in them. Perhaps what they (the abusers) instinctively recognize is that same damage/insecurity in someone else, and they seek to dominate them because it makes their smallness feel larger within.

But the main thing is Love ain't supposed to hurt. So when someone who claims to love you purposely hurts you, physically or emotionally, then you really need to question if it's REALLY LOVE or some form of pathology.

Then, get the hell out of that loveless situation!


Arlene said...

Terrific writing as we have come to expect!
I heard of Chris Brown just 2 summers ago from my granddaughter who is (was, I hope) a fan. She is 8 now. This little girl talked about Chris Brown's singing and dancing with her friends just a few years older than she. Most of the older girls fantasized about Chris becoming their husband in the future. I hope their future matrimonial plans are just that - fantasies. Chris, the abuser, will continue these behaviors until there is intervention and treatment. Some psychologists have theorized that for some men it takes 3 years of therapy to recognize that hitting IS abuse. Nothing justifies or even mitigates the use of violence. Touch should HEAL not hurt.

Shai said...

Yes, please walk away unless you HAVE to defend yourself. To get off subject:

I had a good buddy who died May 2008 and he was the type to jump in a fight even if you were wrong. That's how he died, he walked away from defending a family friend and the neighbor shot him in broad daylight. He died at 35 with a 10 year old child he loved to death over a stupid fight.

Anonymous said...

Excellent post!!! At the end of the day, he should have just walked away. Would have saved him a whole lot of trouble.


"Mommy, can I go to Timmy's blog and play?"

Click on image to enlarge for reading

Click on image to enlarge for reading

Click on image to enlarge for reading