Friday, July 31, 2009

Beef & Beer


When I was 12 years old, me and a friend of mine started liking the same girl and we were competing hard for her attention. When he wasn't over her house, I was over there and after a while, everybody on the block knew that we were both trying to romance this girl except the two of us. (This was going to be a pattern in my dating life that was going to follow me but, I didn't realize it then, and this is probably where it all began.) We eventually did find out about each other and a fist fight nearly broke out. My uncle was coming home from work and he broke it up before it escalated. (Grown folks used to do stuff like that back in the day... they weren't afraid to be grown folks.)

My uncle thought that it was totally ludicriss that two guys who had been such good friends were about to go to war over some chick who was, more than likely, not that interested in either one of us. I don't know how my uncle, my mother, and grandmother, for that matter, were always so dead on in their analysis of people and human nature, but they always seemed to be astonishingly on point in their perceptions. Maybe they had been young once too and this had happened to them or someone they knew. You think?

Anyway, my uncle was right. The girl in question was actually trying to get the attention of a 16 year old guy who had an equal amount of disdain for her as she had for us. We were 12 years old and too young for beer so, he took us to this spot called Dan's Ice Cream. It was at the corner of our block but now, long closed... long gone. I think the spot is now somebody's apartment. He bought me a banana split with the wet walnut , strawberries, and chocolate syrup, just the way I liked it. He bought my friend a peach milk shake. (Yeah, I shook my head too and thought the same thing at first but I took a sip of that shake and that shake was good. Dan made all kinds of flavored shakes.)

My uncle had a dish of ice cream himself and we sat and talked the whole thing out and shook hands. He made us agree to never, ever fight over something like this again. He gave me a stern talking to that afternoon. He said if you have to fight another man over a woman, chances are, you ain't the guy she wants in the first place... and neither is he. He said, once a woman really likes a man, there is never a need for him to have to fight over her because SHE'LL let everybody know what's up. A good lesson indeed... but, the point was, we all sat down, had something refreshing, and worked it out.

The next time I was in a situation like that, I was about 23 years old. I went to a house party and a guy was there who was also a friend of mine. He was drunk and was arguing with some other guy about trying to make a move on his lady. The argument got heated, he swung at the guy, missed, and punched me instead. My nose bled like a gusher... Blood was running down my suit and I said... "Hey, you hit me!!!" My drunken friend said... "I'm so sorry man but, you shouldn't have been standing so close... that's what your newsy ass gets."

This brought about gales of laughter from everybody around so, I hauled off and punched him in his face and knocked him backward so hard his head smacked up against the wall and he fell down. I did this because I didn't want him to feel too guilty about hitting me. People can have a complex about that kind of thing, you know.

Now, we were both bleeding profusely and standing outside of this house party. My uncle, who was long dead by this time, would have just shaken his head if he had witnessed this incident. However, there was cooler head amongst us... an older cat who grabbed both of us and walked us down to the neighborhood bar. He took us in the bathroom and we washed our faces and tried to wash some of the blood off of our clothes but, to no avail.

We sat down and he ordered three beers... we all sat and drank the beers and actually laughed about what had just taken place. Eventually, even the guy he was arguing with, who he meant to punch, came in and had a beer too. By the time the night was over, we were all friends and trying to sing Billy Joel's "For The Longest Time".

Guys and beer kinda work like that together. I don't know how women handle their "beefs" or if they ever do. I've seen women hold on to stuff for years with other women but, I hope my female readers will give us some insight into how they resolve their conflicts.

Last night, President Barack Obama and Vice-President Joe Biden had Henry Louis Gates and the officer who arrested him at the White House and they were having beers, talking, and laughing about the situation last week. I'm sure after a few beers, they discovered that the whole thing was a big misunderstanding. They might've even have wound up singing "Pretty Wings" by Maxwell and Michelle might have to just leave them all on the White House lawn until tomorrow morning. See, this is how men handle things. Somewhere, my uncle is looking down right now, smiling, and saying... "Yeahhhhhhhhh!"

23 comments:

James Perkins said...

Great Story as always and great point made.!

Simon Bastion said...

Wonderful analogies Keith as usual and also, a great lesson to be learned here too!

Toni said...

This was hillarious ,yet thought provoking!

Angie B. said...

You must have a direct line to the Obama white house Keith..How did you know that they were there drinking beer last night? lolololol.

Jazzy said...

We do it how we do it Fam!-lolol

Swaggie said...

That's how me and my partners used to handle beef..We'd all have drinks and talk it over...That's how we do it.-lololol.

Tate2 said...

You aint never lied Keith...Me and my boys done solved many a would be beef over some beer or some Henny.- -:)

Sunflower said...

A Funny story Keith...Somewhere there is a point to be made...but alcohol starts more than it's share of problems....Just thought I'd offer an oppossing viewpoint.

Cheryl said...

ROFLMBAO! - Men !!!!! yall are funny!

Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

Your posts are always filled with a learning experience. Have you thought about being a mentor or a teacher??

Women do theirs different, and like you said, if they do it at all. I think women are too emotional to just let it go.

Brenda said...

Funny stories...but I heard about the Obama beer summit last night..
The Officer didn't apologize and Gates didn't feel too contrite either..So I don't see where anything was resolved except four guys drank some beer.

Lisa said...

Me and my girls have solved a problem the RIGHT way...We talked it out and at times cried it out..
Didn't need beer or ice cream.-lololololol

Halo said...

You're right about women, We are
too emotional to just let something go and we do hold on to stuff a lot longer than guys.

Vanessa said...

Love your posts Keith, especially the ones where you write about your life...Like this one...ROFLMBAO!

Sean said...

This has to go down as one of your funniest posts Keith...There is a lot of truth in what you said about how Men and women differ in conflict resolution. However..we are a lot quicker to resort to violence than they are..So you have to look at the positives and negatives on both sides.

Captain Jack said...

Hey Keith...I love your auto-biographical posts the best..What a great way to start my Friday,with a good laugh.lololol.

Grover Tha Playboy said...

Tell the truth Playa..That's how we do what we do!- -:)

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

You are right about women. We are not resolving nothing 15 minutes later! lol

Rich Fitzgerald said...

Great way to tie all that in. You should be writing commentary for your local paper. If not the printed version, the online version. You can just re-use your blog posts.

Good job.

Keith said...

@Rich & Beautifully Conjured Up-
Thanks for your support and kind words.

clnmike said...

Lol, great post.

Solomon said...

I liked how you laid it all out on this one Keith.

Hope all is well bro!

Angel said...

That was a great story, I really don’t know how other women resolve conflicts
My mum and Grandma had an argument 30 years ago, neither of them remember what it was about but they are still not speaking.
Lol I should suggest some drinks




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