Monday, November 24, 2008

The Lingerie Display


Several weeks ago, I was sitting in a restaurant called "Mikeys" enjoying one of their delicious burgers with my friend (I'll call him) G. He is the principal at a local charter school and while at work, he is nothing short of terrifying to his young students. They snap to attention when he comes down the hallway with his yardstick. They don't know the guy that I know "outside" the school, who is anything but terrifying to me.

Anyway, we were discussing Obama's chances of winning this election, the Phillies going back to the World Series, and why the Eagles are sucking so bad this season, when a former co-worker of mine (I'll call her) R.D. walked in the place. I hadn't seen her in a year and I motioned for her to come and join us. Upon joining us, she told us about a side business that she and her husband were launching. (I hate it when people do that... pitch their business to me when I'm in a chill out mood and just want to know how they are doing in general.)

She told me that her sister is some kind of fashion designer in New York. (Figures, don't it?) Her sister has been designing lingerie and has found a manufacturer and some sponsors. R.D. and her husband had a little money to spare (God bless 'em in these days and times) that they have invested in her little venture called "Candy's Panties" (or something along that line). She said that she was having a "Lingerie Display" on the coming Friday and that we should check it out and bring some friends (later, there would be some dispute as to whether she said "friends" or "wives"). She said there would be food and beverages, and there would have to be a $ 20.00 donation.

My friend G.'s eyes lit up at the mention of Lingerie and Display. Right off the bat, he's thinking of models and/or strippers. She gave me the address in the East Oak Lane section of the city where the event was to occur... it was the annex of a church. I had some reservations so, I told him that this might not be what he thought it was... I said, "It's in a church, man... a church. Nobody's gonna be modeling sexy lingerie in a church." G. said, "Man, look... it's the annex of a church, not the actual sanctuary. I wonder if she's gonna have like, you know... ex-strippers up in there modeling that stuff?" I protested, "Nah, man. It's not that kind of party and besides, she's not like that... she's married and a Christian woman." He said, "Hmmmph, I remember her back in the day." I said, "You are talkin' twenty-five years ago and people change." He said, "Yeah... well Friday, you'll see. She might even be up there droppin' it like it's hot." I said, "I seriously doubt that."

My common sense was telling me that we misunderstood what R.D. said but, a part of me (the stupid part) wondered if just maybe, just maybe... they might have women modeling this lingerie. If G. was right, this was after all a church annex and not the sanctuary. That Friday after work, I couldn't wait... instead of going to my regular haunts or going home, I rocketed out to the expressway and then Roosevelt Boulevard (I don't even like driving on Roosevelt Boulevard beause it has six lanes of traffic on both sides.) The church, which I will not name, is a pretty liberal and hip church. It's non-denominational and one of the few that allows openly gay people to worship, right along side straight people. The congregation is mixed with Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, and a sprinkling of Asians. They operate a relief kitchen for the homeless and they give out pamphlets to prostitutes about protecting themselves from HIV and other STDS... a practice that actually got them attacked by certain segments for "going too far with street advocation."

When I got to the church annex, there was about 75- 80 ladies there and around 150 men. G. had told his brother and his brother had brought all of the guys from his job and they had told their friends. I just kept shaking my head... I didn't know what they expected to see. First off, let me say that the food was incredible... fried chicken, fried fish, string beans, macaroni & cheese, potato salad, and candied yams. The food was worth the $ 20.00 donation alone. R.D. was there and she was wearing a pretty tight black mini dress and some black high heels. G. looked at me, pointed at her, and said "See!" I said, "See what?" He said, "Look how short that dress is? She's probably gonna model too." I said, "Ah man, you're crazy. She is not."

The men were yelling and clapping as though they were at a football game and when the lights dimmed and R.D. took the stage, the roar got louder. She calmed them down and then quietly said, "I want to thank you all for coming and supporting us. And now, what you've all been waiting for... the display. If you see something you like, just take it off of the models and take it to the front counter where you can purchase it and take it home to your wife or girlfriend." G. roared, "WHAT??? What kind of freaky mess is this???" I protested, "Man, it can't be what you think?" He said, "You just heard what she said. We gonna snatch it off one of the models. They are about to get naked up in here!" Then, R.D. pulled the curtain and there were hundreds of pieces of lingerie... babydolls, bras, panties, bustiers, garters, etc. on MANNEQUINS!

You could have heard a pin drop in there. It was as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room. Within an hour, the women outnumbered the men again. Most of the rowdy guys were out of there... but, not before they made another plate of food, covered it with another plate, and wrapped it in some tin foil (for their wives and/or girlfiends, of course). "You idiot... I told you this wasn't what you thought." I said to G., who was speechless for the first time that night. R.D. came over to us and said, "Where are your wives?" I said, "My wife is at home." She said, "I told you to bring your wives." I said, "No... you said to bring your friends." (At least, this is what I thought I heard.) She said, "You guys didn't bring your wives because you thought you were going to see some live models up in here didn't you? Get real... in a church? Y'all is trippin'!" Then, she walked away laughing.

G. looked like his best friend had just died. It's been almost two months now and I haven't seen or heard from him. He'll get over it. And, as for me... I'm not mad because I got a good meal. I didn't buy any lingerie but, I ate well and there is never anything wrong with that!

24 comments:

Kin'shar said...

Hey this was the best posting for me....you posted about food....yeah mickeys is the best (have you tried their spinach dip?) .....and I love lingerie

Toni said...

OMG Keith-lololol.....This is too funny.

Lisa said...

I love Lingerie....I would have loved to have gone to something like that...This story is just too
funny.

Angie B. said...

ROFL @ you guys...This was hillarious.

Sunflower said...

Funniest story I've heard in awhile,Thanks Keith..you made my Monday.lololol.

James Perkins said...

Hillarious story....When you mentioned this in your previous post, I knew there was a funny story behind this...lolololol.

Simon Bastion said...

Just finished reading your "Escapades" post...Two good
ones for Monday. This was funny.

Grover Tha Playboy said...

lololol...Too Funny man!

Tate2 said...

Oh man, this had me laughing so hard..my sides are hurting...I knew
they weren't going to be modeling in a church..annex or not..You guys
were hillarious.

Anonymous said...

I love this kind of stuff...but I see you still found a way to incorporate Barack Obama into this story..I'm going to count the number of times he has been mentioned on this blog...I know it's at least 1000. Good Post otherwise.

Keith said...

@Anonymous- Always the kill joy
aren't you?

Halo said...

Funny Post Keith...I just finished reading "Escapades"-Now I'm straight for the rest of the day...
This is a hillarious story.

Vanessa said...

MEN!!!! Only a man would have thought that....lolololol..

Raven said...

Oh. My. Goodness. This cheered me up. That is too funny!!! MEN!!!!! I am picturing the scene...people tell me my real life is better than fiction, but no...you have me beat!

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

Too funny!

The Dreamy One said...

men are a mess,lol

i know they felt so played when they saw those manequins!!!

Shanita Waters said...

LMBO! Too funny... I was getting a little worried when you said how liberal the church was. Part of me just for a moment thoguht they actually had women up in there half naked. Of course I'm trying to figure out if you were referring to one of the two mega chruches that are located across the street from one another in that area. lol....

karrie b. said...

MAD yall paid 20 bucks to look @ mannequins. i wouldve had an attitude!!!!!!!!!!!

-kb

Mizrepresent said...

lol, glad the food was good, $20, wow...to see lingerie, hmmm, this gave me an idea, lol!

R. Fitzgerald said...

Man, that was the best laugh i've had all day.


btw, i couldn't stay away after all. I did a quick post today.

CurvyGurl said...

ROFLMAO! I swear, Keith, words couldn't express how funny I found this. You're a trip!

Keith said...

@Curvy Girl- Yeah, I've been told numerous times that I am that indeed!

FREEDOM said...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Nelly said...

Funny story. Happy Thanksgiving!




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