The Lingerie Display

Several weeks ago, I was sitting in a restaurant called "Mikeys" enjoying one of their delicious burgers with my friend (I'll call him) G. He is the principal at a local charter school and while at work, he is nothing short of terrifying to his young students. They snap to attention when he comes down the hallway with his yardstick. They don't know the guy that I know "outside" the school, who is anything but terrifying to me.

Anyway, we were discussing Obama's chances of winning this election, the Phillies going back to the World Series, and why the Eagles are sucking so bad this season, when a former co-worker of mine (I'll call her) R.D. walked in the place. I hadn't seen her in a year and I motioned for her to come and join us. Upon joining us, she told us about a side business that she and her husband were launching. (I hate it when people do that... pitch their business to me when I'm in a chill out mood and just want to know how they are doing in general.)

She told me that her sister is some kind of fashion designer in New York. (Figures, don't it?) Her sister has been designing lingerie and has found a manufacturer and some sponsors. R.D. and her husband had a little money to spare (God bless 'em in these days and times) that they have invested in her little venture called "Candy's Panties" (or something along that line). She said that she was having a "Lingerie Display" on the coming Friday and that we should check it out and bring some friends (later, there would be some dispute as to whether she said "friends" or "wives"). She said there would be food and beverages, and there would have to be a $ 20.00 donation.

My friend G.'s eyes lit up at the mention of Lingerie and Display. Right off the bat, he's thinking of models and/or strippers. She gave me the address in the East Oak Lane section of the city where the event was to occur... it was the annex of a church. I had some reservations so, I told him that this might not be what he thought it was... I said, "It's in a church, man... a church. Nobody's gonna be modeling sexy lingerie in a church." G. said, "Man, look... it's the annex of a church, not the actual sanctuary. I wonder if she's gonna have like, you know... ex-strippers up in there modeling that stuff?" I protested, "Nah, man. It's not that kind of party and besides, she's not like that... she's married and a Christian woman." He said, "Hmmmph, I remember her back in the day." I said, "You are talkin' twenty-five years ago and people change." He said, "Yeah... well Friday, you'll see. She might even be up there droppin' it like it's hot." I said, "I seriously doubt that."

My common sense was telling me that we misunderstood what R.D. said but, a part of me (the stupid part) wondered if just maybe, just maybe... they might have women modeling this lingerie. If G. was right, this was after all a church annex and not the sanctuary. That Friday after work, I couldn't wait... instead of going to my regular haunts or going home, I rocketed out to the expressway and then Roosevelt Boulevard (I don't even like driving on Roosevelt Boulevard beause it has six lanes of traffic on both sides.) The church, which I will not name, is a pretty liberal and hip church. It's non-denominational and one of the few that allows openly gay people to worship, right along side straight people. The congregation is mixed with Blacks, Whites, Hispanics, and a sprinkling of Asians. They operate a relief kitchen for the homeless and they give out pamphlets to prostitutes about protecting themselves from HIV and other STDS... a practice that actually got them attacked by certain segments for "going too far with street advocation."

When I got to the church annex, there was about 75- 80 ladies there and around 150 men. G. had told his brother and his brother had brought all of the guys from his job and they had told their friends. I just kept shaking my head... I didn't know what they expected to see. First off, let me say that the food was incredible... fried chicken, fried fish, string beans, macaroni & cheese, potato salad, and candied yams. The food was worth the $ 20.00 donation alone. R.D. was there and she was wearing a pretty tight black mini dress and some black high heels. G. looked at me, pointed at her, and said "See!" I said, "See what?" He said, "Look how short that dress is? She's probably gonna model too." I said, "Ah man, you're crazy. She is not."

The men were yelling and clapping as though they were at a football game and when the lights dimmed and R.D. took the stage, the roar got louder. She calmed them down and then quietly said, "I want to thank you all for coming and supporting us. And now, what you've all been waiting for... the display. If you see something you like, just take it off of the models and take it to the front counter where you can purchase it and take it home to your wife or girlfriend." G. roared, "WHAT??? What kind of freaky mess is this???" I protested, "Man, it can't be what you think?" He said, "You just heard what she said. We gonna snatch it off one of the models. They are about to get naked up in here!" Then, R.D. pulled the curtain and there were hundreds of pieces of lingerie... babydolls, bras, panties, bustiers, garters, etc. on MANNEQUINS!

You could have heard a pin drop in there. It was as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room. Within an hour, the women outnumbered the men again. Most of the rowdy guys were out of there... but, not before they made another plate of food, covered it with another plate, and wrapped it in some tin foil (for their wives and/or girlfiends, of course). "You idiot... I told you this wasn't what you thought." I said to G., who was speechless for the first time that night. R.D. came over to us and said, "Where are your wives?" I said, "My wife is at home." She said, "I told you to bring your wives." I said, "No... you said to bring your friends." (At least, this is what I thought I heard.) She said, "You guys didn't bring your wives because you thought you were going to see some live models up in here didn't you? Get real... in a church? Y'all is trippin'!" Then, she walked away laughing.

G. looked like his best friend had just died. It's been almost two months now and I haven't seen or heard from him. He'll get over it. And, as for me... I'm not mad because I got a good meal. I didn't buy any lingerie but, I ate well and there is never anything wrong with that!