I'm sitting here in the quiet thinking... always a dangerous thing. On November 30th, it will be six months to the day that my mother left this existence and my father died suddenly and unexpectedly in 2002. So, this will be the first Thanksgiving that I will spend without either of my parents... as an orphan, so to speak.
Everyone around me has been saying that it's "going to be weird" but, I'm not feeling weird, surprisingly enough. I'm not feeling anything except barren and empty. I thought that a great sadness would overcome me around this time but, it has not... just the emptyness. I'm not even trying to understand it... I'm just accepting it for what it is.
I'm not setting out to write a depressing post because I've always been about hope... the hope for a better tomorrow, corny as that may sound. I can almost hear my uncle's words of encouragement to me after some past disappointment saying, "Don't worry, sport (that was his nickname for me). Tomorrow is another day and another chance to get it right." And, his most famous saying, "Somebody's gotta win, sport... it might as well be you." I can't tell you how many times those words and the words of my grandparents have come back from the grave and inspired me to pick myself up, brush myself off, and get back into the race.
Well, they're all gone now... all of the people who were instrumental in my growing up and becoming but, I carry them with me. Their words of encouragement, their words that made me laugh, their advice that kept old self-destructive me from well, self-destructing. I'm thankful for their lives because they enriched my life and maybe they are no longer here because I don't need them in that way anymore. I can stand on my own two feet now and be whoever I'm meant to be because of them and I'm thankful for that. They saved my life... they made my life.
I have a daughter and she has a little boy. I hope that what I say and what I'm doing will have the same meaning to them one day when I'm gone... and, that they will be thankful and thoughtful too.
Everyone around me has been saying that it's "going to be weird" but, I'm not feeling weird, surprisingly enough. I'm not feeling anything except barren and empty. I thought that a great sadness would overcome me around this time but, it has not... just the emptyness. I'm not even trying to understand it... I'm just accepting it for what it is.
I'm not setting out to write a depressing post because I've always been about hope... the hope for a better tomorrow, corny as that may sound. I can almost hear my uncle's words of encouragement to me after some past disappointment saying, "Don't worry, sport (that was his nickname for me). Tomorrow is another day and another chance to get it right." And, his most famous saying, "Somebody's gotta win, sport... it might as well be you." I can't tell you how many times those words and the words of my grandparents have come back from the grave and inspired me to pick myself up, brush myself off, and get back into the race.
Well, they're all gone now... all of the people who were instrumental in my growing up and becoming but, I carry them with me. Their words of encouragement, their words that made me laugh, their advice that kept old self-destructive me from well, self-destructing. I'm thankful for their lives because they enriched my life and maybe they are no longer here because I don't need them in that way anymore. I can stand on my own two feet now and be whoever I'm meant to be because of them and I'm thankful for that. They saved my life... they made my life.
I have a daughter and she has a little boy. I hope that what I say and what I'm doing will have the same meaning to them one day when I'm gone... and, that they will be thankful and thoughtful too.
26 comments:
I'm feeling you on this post Keith. Both my parents are also gone now and the daughter and grandson are now looking up to me, like I did the elders in my life when I was growing up.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving Keith!
And may God Bless You!
This moved me to Tears Keith...You
take care and have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got finished reading this and commenting on your other blog...
This was so sweet and touching..
You have a Happy Thanksgiving
I really feel you on this post...I lost my dad around this time last year and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him.
I hope you and your family have a
joyous Holiday.
Very Moving Post brother..
Here's Wishing you and your family
a very Happy Thanksgiving.
Happy Thanksgiving Keith, to you and your family...This was a great post.
Great Post Keith..
Happy Thanksgiving.
Keith,I loved this...One day you can have me on the floor laughing
and the next you can nearly bring me to tears...That's what I love about this blog.
Wow..This was moving Keith and so special...You are so raw..I love the way you just let it all hang out in your writing.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving, you and your entire family.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving Playa!
Good Post...I see you didn't mention Barack Obama once...I was waiting for a co-relation between him losing his immediate family and you losing yours..but you didn't bite..That would've been the cheap route..I am glad you took my advice and kept him out of at least one post.
@Somebodies Friend- Thanks Man..
@Halo, Sunflower,James,Simon,Grover,Lisa,
Toni,Angie B.,Brother Tate- Thanks
for being my friends and my biggest fans..and happy thanksgiving to you and your families.
Anoymous- Go kick rocks. Stop coming to my blog.Start a blog of your own.
Hey Keith, I was really moved by this.
I hope you will still have a great
Thanksgiving with the family you do have.
i get sad around Christmas. That is the month that my dad died. lord the tempations song-silent night gets me all emotional,lol
but i am thankful for my mom, sis and brother. those are my loves!!!
my parents and grandmothers are still here and i sometimes feel lonely and empty. But i am thankful for the family i have in my husband, real life friends, and you blogger people who've infiltrated my life.
have a happy thanksgiving..
ugh i will be soooo glad when i am done with all this mushy stuff. lol
Don't worry Pop-Pop. We love you and will make sure that you have the best Thanksgiving ever!
Hugz keith, there is absolutely nothing wrong with reflecting. I imagine come tomorrow we (my family) will share alot tears, but also alot of laughter...i so love those old sayings, wisdom from our elders. I remember one of my college professors used to say all the time,
"Sometimes you get the BEAR, sometimes the BEAR gets you!" Either way, it made since...we can't always win the race, but you most certainly can't win if you're not in it.
I am wishing you wonderful holiday, filled with the joy you deserve and the quiet reflection that you may need.
God Bless you and yours Keith, my blog bruh from anutha Mother!
Nice post.
Have a happy Thanksgiving.
Now I just want to tear up after reading that. I;m sure all of your elders are going to be sitting at a even grander table looking down at you!
I'm fortunate to have my mom and grandma and I will hug them extra hard after reading this....
great post
i'm sure that the effect that your family and friends have had on you...you are currently passing it on to your child and grandchild
Cousin,
This is how I've felt since my parents died: like an orphan. Eventhough I am blessed with two sisters and a brother, there is nothing like having a mother and father as part of life and as part of holiday celebrations. Just last week I told a tearful Val to stand strong because the Lord will take care of us. You expressed this so well. Our parents and grandparents raised us to be who we are and encouraged us as we raised our children to be examples of right living according to God's word. We're doing our best to do just as we were taught. This Thanksgiving, I'll cry for my mother and father, call out their names and ask God for sustaining power as I have since their deaths. Then I'll wait, I hope patiently, for "the peace that passes all understanding" as He promised. Stand strong Keith.
P.S. Tell Mizrepresent the phrase goes "Sometimes you RIDE the bear and sometimes the bear RIDES you. That was one of my dad's sayings about the world of work.
Hey Brother!
I'm sure this is a difficult time of year for you...but we know our Father God will comfort you and love on you during this time. I am certain that you child and grandchild will be thankful and thoughtful when it comes to you....you are a blessing to your blog family...so I can only imagine how much wisdom and love you give them!
Have a Happy Thanksgiving and God bless you and the family.
Hey Keith. I can definitely relate to your feelings. My parents moved on 5 and 10 years ago, so it's been quite a while. You never 'get used' to it, but I think creating new memories and traditions helps.
Happy turkey day to you and your fam :-)!
Keith, this was a wonderful post.
I know all the seed sown into your heart by the two generations preceeding you will be sown with just as much love and hope into your own offspring...
Have a Happy Thanksgiving...
i love this entry, keith. i admire you for remaining positive in the face of such loss. i struggle with that everyday.
and a wonderful tribute this is to your fam. i know they're proud of you.
Hi Bro. Keith. I am so glad that you are able to remain positive and strong through this all. You're not an orphan either. You know who you're Daddy is. I like the way you are able to reflect on the positive lessons those that have passed on taught you and also that you hope to make the same long lasting impressions on your children and grandchildren. May God continue to bless you and your family today and everyday.
Much Love!
Sis. Shanita
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