Christmas is the week after next and a lot of people are out buying presents. It happens every year... a mad rush for gifts... capitalism bailed out. My father taught me an important lesson about gifts and the minds behind them one year.
You've heard all of the comedians joke about "daddy gifts" (i.e. Brut by Fabrege', socks, and a tie). Well, regardless of what me and my brother got my father (and we bought him some crappy Christmas gifts now that I think about it), he never complained. He was always gracious and acted as though it was what he always wanted.
One year though (I think we were in our mid-twenties), my brother and I bought him a box of Cuban Cigars. (Yeah, I know they were illegal and I'm not going to blog about how I got them) and a box of his favorite cashew nuts. His face lit up and he was as happy as I've ever seen him. This was no act... these were his favorite gifts. He smoked cigars and a pipe so, the Cuban cigars was a treat and he loved all kinds of nuts (walnuts, cashews, pecans... you name it). When he got the cigars and the cashews, he was in "hog heaven".
He would tell me many years later that these were his favorite gifts and that let him know that his "boys really knew him". He said... "You can tell who really knows you by what kind of gift they buy you" and he was right. People who know you and care about you, buy you gifts that you can use and that you really like. Some people tend to buy you stuff that they like and get insulted if you don't like it as much as they do... that tends to be their ego speaking and not real concern for you the person.
Take for instance, one of our cousins... This was my father's favorite nephew. He mentored him and my cousin idolized my father... so, it stands to reason that come Christmas, he would have bought him a thoughtful gift, right? Wrong. One year, he bought him a thumbnail-sized flashlight. I kid you not... it was about as big as your thumb! My mother, my brother, and I tried not to laugh but, we couldn't contain ourselves. My father, ever gracious, just smiled and said... "Oh, this will come in handy when I'm trying to put my key in the lock."
Another year, my cousin gave my father a huge photo of himself. We didn't hold back our laughter that time. We guffawed and rolled on the floor laughing. Then, there was the year he gave him tickets to a Sixers game. The seats were so far up in the rafters that my father could've sat at home and watched the game on television and had a better view.
It got so bad that my brother and I took an annual poll called... "The Worthless Gift For Christmas" poll. We would bet on how worthless the gift my cousin was going to give our father the coming year would be. Well, when he gave my father some cheap cuff links the following year, my mother had enough. She finally said... "Aww, this doesn't make sense. I could see if he was a child but, he's a grown man with a job, making a decent salary. He can buy a better gift than this." I don't know if she said something to him or not but, the gifts stopped coming period after that year. This was why we decided to get him the Cuban cigars and the cashew nuts... gifts that he really liked and could use. Gifts that said we know you and we know what you like.
In my adult life, I have watched very carefully what people have gotten for me. People who know me, know that I love to smell nice and I don't wear cheap cologne. So, nice colognes, soaps, body wash, and oils are always good gifts for me. A good novel by a present or up and coming African-American author is another nice gift for me and, at one time, a CD (or tape) by one of my favorite artists was cool too! I'm not trying to be slick or hint here... I'm just saying what I liked.
I say liked because I'm not that big on getting presents for Christmas like I used to be. If I get something nice, that's cool... but if I don't, that's cool too. I really get more pleasure out of giving gifts to people now. I really do. I try to find out what people I give gifts to like... even if I have to ask.
Some people feel as though the more money you spend on a gift somehow equates with how much you care about them. That's wrong....It's the gift itself and what it means to the person that really states that. It's as my father taught us so many years ago... the simple things sometimes mean the most!
You've heard all of the comedians joke about "daddy gifts" (i.e. Brut by Fabrege', socks, and a tie). Well, regardless of what me and my brother got my father (and we bought him some crappy Christmas gifts now that I think about it), he never complained. He was always gracious and acted as though it was what he always wanted.
One year though (I think we were in our mid-twenties), my brother and I bought him a box of Cuban Cigars. (Yeah, I know they were illegal and I'm not going to blog about how I got them) and a box of his favorite cashew nuts. His face lit up and he was as happy as I've ever seen him. This was no act... these were his favorite gifts. He smoked cigars and a pipe so, the Cuban cigars was a treat and he loved all kinds of nuts (walnuts, cashews, pecans... you name it). When he got the cigars and the cashews, he was in "hog heaven".
He would tell me many years later that these were his favorite gifts and that let him know that his "boys really knew him". He said... "You can tell who really knows you by what kind of gift they buy you" and he was right. People who know you and care about you, buy you gifts that you can use and that you really like. Some people tend to buy you stuff that they like and get insulted if you don't like it as much as they do... that tends to be their ego speaking and not real concern for you the person.
Take for instance, one of our cousins... This was my father's favorite nephew. He mentored him and my cousin idolized my father... so, it stands to reason that come Christmas, he would have bought him a thoughtful gift, right? Wrong. One year, he bought him a thumbnail-sized flashlight. I kid you not... it was about as big as your thumb! My mother, my brother, and I tried not to laugh but, we couldn't contain ourselves. My father, ever gracious, just smiled and said... "Oh, this will come in handy when I'm trying to put my key in the lock."
Another year, my cousin gave my father a huge photo of himself. We didn't hold back our laughter that time. We guffawed and rolled on the floor laughing. Then, there was the year he gave him tickets to a Sixers game. The seats were so far up in the rafters that my father could've sat at home and watched the game on television and had a better view.
It got so bad that my brother and I took an annual poll called... "The Worthless Gift For Christmas" poll. We would bet on how worthless the gift my cousin was going to give our father the coming year would be. Well, when he gave my father some cheap cuff links the following year, my mother had enough. She finally said... "Aww, this doesn't make sense. I could see if he was a child but, he's a grown man with a job, making a decent salary. He can buy a better gift than this." I don't know if she said something to him or not but, the gifts stopped coming period after that year. This was why we decided to get him the Cuban cigars and the cashew nuts... gifts that he really liked and could use. Gifts that said we know you and we know what you like.
In my adult life, I have watched very carefully what people have gotten for me. People who know me, know that I love to smell nice and I don't wear cheap cologne. So, nice colognes, soaps, body wash, and oils are always good gifts for me. A good novel by a present or up and coming African-American author is another nice gift for me and, at one time, a CD (or tape) by one of my favorite artists was cool too! I'm not trying to be slick or hint here... I'm just saying what I liked.
I say liked because I'm not that big on getting presents for Christmas like I used to be. If I get something nice, that's cool... but if I don't, that's cool too. I really get more pleasure out of giving gifts to people now. I really do. I try to find out what people I give gifts to like... even if I have to ask.
Some people feel as though the more money you spend on a gift somehow equates with how much you care about them. That's wrong....It's the gift itself and what it means to the person that really states that. It's as my father taught us so many years ago... the simple things sometimes mean the most!
4 comments:
You hit the nail on the head Brother. A lot of folks speed up to break neck pace to get something expensive and meaningless for that special person when all they had to do was slow down and remember some random day in April.
They would have had it all figured out just from that thought.
By the way, a box of fine, whole cashews would excite the hell out of me as well. Good looking out, you and your brother on that gift.
Nice call.
Great insightful post. I share your sentiment in being a giver. I really don't look to receive a thing and am always thankful for whatever I receive, but I take great pleasure in giving the gift my loved ones won't forget.
I love this, and i do like you do, try to give what i think they would want, love and need. I take so much joy in picking out presents for my fam and friends, and have always taken care of making sure it was something they desired, just by listening to them the entire year. I loved the story, thanks again Keith for sharing apart of you with us.
I agree with the concept of simple things as gifts for Christmas. Of late, I've started making Christmas cookies as gifts. I get the pleasure of making homemade treats and sharing the cookie recipes that my dad and mom loved. Folks say they appreciate getting homemade cookies. This year I'm adding candy to some bags.
Personally, I love the look of wonder and excitement in a child's eyes on Christmas morning and that look on the days that follow. Kids and toys!! What a combination. When the kids get older we have to find new ways of sharing that joy.
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