The Rainy-Day Woman

Today, I was getting my morning coffee and orange juice from Dunkin Donuts and walking towards the building where I work. A black female that I knew saw me walking, gave me the biggest smile, spoke to me, and asked me how I was doing. I gave one of my original responses..."I'm just doing." I have never been a fan of the canned and packaged responses that everybody says day in and day out ad nauseum, such as "What's up?" "Ahh, nothin' much." I was amused at this woman's enthusiastic greeting for me. You see, five years ago, this same woman wouldn't have given me the time of day.

If we wind the clock back to April of 2004... I used to ride the El to work in the morning and I would see this woman everyday getting on the train at my station. When you see people everyday, whether you know them personally or not, you develop a kinship to them... at least, this is my way of thinking, so I used to speak. My grandmother always told me that it doesn't hurt you to speak or be courteous. This same woman used to look at me as though I wasn't there and stare blankly into the horizon. Ironically enough, we would get off at the same station... and still, nothing.

After awhile, I got angry (you know me) and I stopped speaking. My air is just as important to me as the next person's... so I thought, no need in wasting it. (I probably got that from Grandmother, Rebecca... it sounds like something she would've said.) Then, a funny thing happened.

At my old office, I had the additional duty of taking new employees on a tour of the campus. I didn't do it for all of them, only on the days when the regular guy, George, wasn't available. On this particular day, lo and behold, one of my new employees was, you guessed it, the woman who never spoke to me on the El. She was very embarrassed to find out that she was starting a new job and the guy who spoke to her who she ignored was the one showing her around campus.

About a month later, I had transitioned from that job to a new job and in addition to that, I now had a car, so I didn't ride on the El as often. Every now and then, I drove to work. One particular Friday, it was pouring down raining, I was driving home, and could barely see because it was raining so hard. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw this particular woman standing on the corner with a small umbrella, fighting the elements and losing. The wind was blowing, her hair was going in all directions, and no bus was in sight. I started to keep going.. after all, this woman used to look past me like I didn't exist so now, it was my turn. I suppose this was her lucky day. I guess God was talking to me or something... you decide.

I pulled over to the side, rolled down the window, and said... "Get in, I'll take you home." She didn't hesitate. There was no blank, phony distant stare... no sizing up the situation... none of that today! She was only too happy to be out of that rain. She thanked me profusely. Of course, during the drive home, we introduced ourselves and she told me her whole life story... her divorce, her relocation, her gratefulness at having a new job, etc. To both our surprises, it turned out that she lived just one block from me... imagine that! Who knew?

From that time on, we were on a first name basis. When she sees me now, I get a big smile and a hello. I ask the question of why do we treat each other as though we don't exist, just because we don't know each other? Why are human beings so tribal? We exist in our little tribes and we act as if everyone else is non-existant... that is, until we need a favor or we are in trouble!

When I was in the Air Force and in foreign countries, I used to marvel at how certain Americans who would've shunned me in the States, grabbed their purses, or checked for their wallets if I had sat near them, were overjoyed to hear my American accent and see my baseball cap turned acey-deuecy (only when in civilian clothes). They were even more overjoyed when I wore the military uniform... especially, non-military Americans. There, in a foreign country, where the language was different and anything would and could break out at any minute, I was automatically a member of the tribe... the larger tribe. Of course, this all ended once we were back on American soil. Then, it was as it always has been... everybody back amongst their tribes.

People never cease to both amaze and disappoint me at the same time. Today, when I saw that woman's big smile, while I was going to work, I was reminded that this smile could have been there the first time we met instead of a blank stare. I also knew that if we had not wound up at the same job and I had never given her a ride during a near torrential rainstorm, I might still be getting the blank stare today. Maybe I shouldn't dwell on that negative... it was four or five years ago. But, it's a basic truth about the human condition and I can't ignore it.

Just thought I would share it...