Saturday, July 10, 2010

Saturday Seven (7 Worst Things To Say To Newlyweds)


1. "This must have cost you a mint, eh?" The way celebrities' wedding costs are blasted all over the news can make it seem like it's appropriate to put a price tag on the dress, the cake, and everything in between. But, money is often a sticky subject for brides and grooms who don't have a millionaire's budget, so it's better to keep your mouth shut. And, just ignore that old "pay for your plate" rule... it's more appropriate to choose a wedding gift that reflects the closeness of your relationship to the couple than the cost of your reception meal.

2. "So, y'all havin' a baby next right?" We know, we know... first comes love, then comes marriage. But, you know what? Next comes whatever the bride and groom want, which might be buying a home, working toward a big promotion, or something else entirely. Everyone's got their own schedule and life goals, which may or may not include the pitter-patter of little feet. Most brides and grooms are already pretty overwhelmed by the wedding planning, so the last thing they want to talk about is making another big life change. Again, keep your mouth shut!

3. "I can't believe you're settling down! Mannn or Gurl, I remember when..." Just because you remember the bride when she was a total hoochie-mama or can provide the story behind the groom's frat nickname doesn't mean you should. This goes double for any conversation you have with other wedding guests who know the bride or groom from a different time in their lives (for example, a co-worker or an older relative). Yes, they might still be the crazy kids you remember, but given the formality of the day (not to mention the many relatives likely on the guest list), it's not the best time to air out their dirty laundry. Once again, shut up!

4. "Can you help me with...?" When you're at a wedding, it's pretty easy to look to the bride and groom as the ones who are in charge and running the show... after all, it's their big day. For the same reason though, they're going to be pretty busy (and by "pretty busy," we mean "really, REALLY busy"). If you've got some minor issue (i.e. the caterers brought you the wrong entree or you think some of the seating should be switched, because cousin Skeeter smells really bad.), don't take it to the bride and groom. Instead, talk to the wedding planner or coordinator, one of the caterers, or, if you really feel it's something the bride or groom needs to deal with personally, one of the bridesmaids or groomsmen who can pass along the message. The bride and groom already have a lot on their plates, so it's important to respect the difference between an actual emergency and what just seems like one at the time. Come on be reasonable!

5. "Why wasn't so-and-so invited?" A word to the wise: If you notice that someone you thought would be at the wedding isn't there, there's usually a reason. Option A is that their RSVP said they couldn't make it, but Option B is that there's a distinct reason they were left off the guest list. (And, it's none of your business. You're there and that should be your only concern.) Either way, the most tactful approach is to keep quiet about it. If the bride and groom have chosen not to include a family member or friend, chances are there was at least one long conversation that went into making that decision and the wedding day is definitely not the time to bring it up. Keep it to yourself.

6. "Wow, when you think about how many couples divorce..." Today, of all days, the D-word is off limits. No matter what you might think about statistics, the bride's or groom's past or family life, or your own experiences, just don't go there. Instead of focusing on the negative, think about the positive... yes, in spite of the odds, these two people are genuinely committed to each other and are making a public vow saying so! Don't they deserve only your best wishes?

7. "Tonight's going to be a HOT night for you two, huh?" (No sh%#, Sherlock!) Please, no speculation about the bride and groom's after-hours activities. If you want to talk about what a big night it is, focus on what's already happening... the fabulous food, the killer band, and the great time all the guests are having. Lose the innuendo and congratulate the bride and groom on pulling off an amazing wedding. Just shut up!

(And, don't act like you all don't know somebody, male or female, who has committed one or several of these gaffes at your wedding or someone's wedding you know! LOL!)

19 comments:

Toni said...

ROTFLMAO!

Brenda said...

Good Ones, I loved this Keith!

Angie B. said...

Keith, you are too much! ROTFLMAO!

Sunflower said...

THis is hillarious, but true!

Lisa said...

Got to be one of your funniest posts...but so true!

Halo said...

Boo yaaaaa! Hella funny Keith!

Vanessa said...

Good post and yes, I know people who have violated all of these.

Cheryl said...

Keith, you are so on the money on this one!

Jazzy said...

Funny!

Sean said...

Once again, you prove to be the best in the game..

James Perkins said...

This was funny and true...I liked this!

Samuel Bastion said...

You make reading blogs fun!

Grover Tha Playboy said...

I've known somebody who has made at least five of these seven gaffes.

Captain Jack said...

Cute!

Swaggie said...

This was funny..."Cousin Skeeter reall smells bad." Where do you come up with this stuff?

Tate 2 said...

Hillarious!

Angel said...

Oh its sad but last year I went to at least five weddings and I did hear the "remember when" line quite a few times. Very funny.

Lady (Bug) said...

Regarding #5:

I've discovered that, at times, you can't even "mention" that you've been invited to a wedding! If the person you're talking to knows the bride and/or groom but wasn't invited, that can open up a whole 'nother can of worms. Then, you are put in the awkward position of trying to "smooth things" over for the couple. ("Are you sure they have your address?)

tienda-erotica.jimdo.com said...

I fully match with whatever thing you have written.




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