Saturday, September 13, 2008

Funny Thing About Love

I was on Eb The Celeb's blog a few nights ago and I heard this song by Beyonce called "Settle 4 You" about how the protagonist knew that her guy was cheating and would probably cheat again but, she was still going to stay by his side and willingly be his fool. A bit overdramatic? A bit unrealistic? I think not. I know people who (yeah, you got it) do just that... settle.

I thought about a close female friend of mine who is currently sharing "her man" with his wife and how we had a few not so nice words because I told her she was being foul and that I couldn't respect her anymore. I didn't really mean that... she's still my friend... and today we tried to talk about it. She said, "I know he loves his wife but, he loves me too." I didn't say anything this time and I didn't try to talk her out of what she was doing... I just listened.

She is too far gone at this point and nothing I can say now will convince her otherwise. I told her that when this goes bad (and it will), she's going to need a friend and to give me a call. She said she understood and that she probably would. We laughed about that and other things for the first time since we had stopped talking, which was about a month ago. It's a funny thing about love... lovers come and go but, friends last for a lifetime.

I wrote a poem called "Do What You Gotta Do" about this situation and it's on my other blog, "Escapades" (some of you have read it already). So, I won't go into her situation anymore. The thing is, a lot of us could find someone just for us if we would get out of our own way. If we would just sit back, think of what we want, and lay it on the line when we finally meet someone who we "think" we would like.

I often wonder what do people talk about when they are dating? Obviously, not the important things such as... likes, dislikes, goals, dreams, etc. I imagine that we send our "representative" to the table and not our real self. So, by the time we meet the "real" woman or she meets the "real" man, we are already in it too deep to turn around. We are surprised and the last thing a person needs is a surprise when their heart is locked in already.

Funny thing about love... it creeps up on you before you meet the real person. You fall in love with their "representative" who convinces you to settle and you do. The real person comes along and you just have to accept what you have because now, you're in love.

Funny thing about love...


CurvyGurl said...

Great subject to discuss, Keith. It seems to be more prevalent these days. I know of 2 "relationships" like this. I just don't get it. The whole thing usually starts with some level of dishonesty so that's unacceptable. Not to mention the breaking of the marriage covenant. Why women participate in this type of situation is beyond me. I never would consider this.

Keith said...

@Curvy Gurl- Lonliness, Desperation
and biological clocks have a lot to do with it.

CurvyGurl said...

I still don't understand it though. Life is what you make it. I agree with you that desperation has a lot to do with it, especially when there's a lack of self esteem. A lot of women think they can't do better or have a man of their own. As for the biological clock issue, I think it depends. One woman I mentioned is 50 so she handed her clock in a while ago and the other has kids so that's not something she's looking to fulfill. Michael Baisden discussed this on his show recently. There are women out there who have passed on other guys because they think they're in a "committed" relationship with a married man...huh? It's a sad state of affairs (no pun intended).

Toni said...

Been there,done that(Loving the married guy),moved on...never to walk down that path again...Wasted two years of my life with a guy who told me he was going to get a divorce so we could be together..It never happened..In fact.wifey had another child together...He just used me. I know from whence you speak.

Angie B. said...

I never dated a married guy, but a lot of em hit on me constantly.
Aint gonna happen.

Strongblkwmn said...

Coming from the perspective of the wife, I put it mostly on the married man. It's his responsibility to stay true to his vows and be faithful to the woman he married. If he's not happy and can't work it out, he needs to bounce.

It's a shame that some women don't think enought of themselves to be with a man who loves them and only them.

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and she was telling me about all the things she's gone through with her husband, from getting panties in the mail to women calling her cell phone.

I also wish women had enough self respect to leave when their husband is constantly cheating on them. Then again, I guess it's easier said than done. There are so many factors that go into that. A lot of women, like my friend, are not financially stable and fear they won't be able to make it on their own.

Don said...

Makes perfect sense. I cannot think of not one time where I've met someone and they remained the person they presented themselves to be. I'm sure a few will speak the same about me. I enjoyed the read, because it definitely places things within proper perspective.

As for your friend, I think you gave her sound advice. Also it should be good for her to know that, just as you gave her advice then, when it all goes does, you will still be there to provide a shoulder.

Enjyed the read.


"Mommy, can I go to Timmy's blog and play?"

Click on image to enlarge for reading

Click on image to enlarge for reading

Click on image to enlarge for reading