(Disclaimer to ALL my readers: It is my hope that you will not take offense to this post. I do not know any of you well enough to accuse you of conducting yourself in any type of way so, there is no need to take this as a "personal attack". I have the utmost respect for all you and what I'm looking for is simple... whether or not you feel this is good, sound advice.)
Everyday of my life, I'm glad that I am married and out of the dating game. "Mrs. Keith" and I have been together so long now that, if I had to enter the dating game again, I don't think I'd know what to do or say. On the other hand, I might not have to be so knowledgeable at all because it seems as though a man coming up today can do, say, and get away with damn near anything and everything.
Case in point... a man I know once told his girlfriend (who he has been living with in her house for three years) that he cheated on her over the Memorial Day weekend. He told her that, when he was missing for three days, he was not "in the hospital with no memory" as he originally told her (What? Huh?). He said he was, in fact, with another girl he knew before, getting his swerve on. He then said, "At least you didn't have to find it out in the street... I came to you and told you." Apparently, this was good enough for her and they are still together. And, I'm not talking about a twenty-something here... I'm talking about a 50 year old woman and a 43 year old man (and I'm using the word "man" loosely here).
The woman in my previous three-part (July) post, Blowin' In The Wind, had two children by a man and watched him marry three women, have children by two of them and more by another woman, and is still running around with him, talking about the two of them as if they are still a "couple". He is presently going through a divorce from wife number three while living with another woman. He told her that "they have an understanding". Here we go with labels and ridiculous terms again. (O.G., I'm not jackin' your topic but, it does comes to mind.)
I recently read on one blog where a woman said, "...these stupid women make it hard for other women to have any standards because they will go for anything." She's right and I really didn't want to do a post on this subject because I feel that others such as O.G., Miz, Dreamy, The Karrie B., and EB the Celeb can do it more justice than I can but, I felt as if I had to speak out on this subject.
Ladies... Stop the madness, stop bein' played, and stop allowing yourselves to be disrespected. I'm a male and after a while, I get disgusted when I watch you all fall for some of the most ridiculous lines and moves I've ever seen or heard. I'm ol' skool... I was a young man when Run DMC, Public Enemy, Al B. Sure, and Boyz II Men, were hot. Back then, a man had to put in some time with a woman, take her out, visit a couple of times, send some roses, and have some "game". He also had to have a little bit of "work ethic". Those days are all but non-existent now.
I'm not hatin' on today's brothers and I don't begrudge them because, it's not completely their fault. If you don't make them respect you and you carry yourselves in a way that allows them to walk all over you, tell you anything, treat you bad, and still lay their heads down next to you at night (or whenever the hell they feel like it) then, why should they treat you any other way? What is the incentive to treat you good? Why are you complaining to your girlfriends that there are no decent men?
Truth be told, you don't really want the "decent guy"... at least, not right now at this time in your life. He's going to bore you and let you run all over him. You're not going to respect that type of man. You really like the drama and you love the noise that the "bad boy" brings so, don't complain. Just deal with it.
But, here is another truth...The older you get, the harder it is to find somebody decent and you will have less time and patience with the bad boy and the b.s. that he brings with him. By the time you are ready to appreciate a decent man and really, really NEED to have someone to hold you, be your companion, and have your back, he's going to be married, in a serious relationship, living with someone, or so "off the market" that it's not going to be funny. Put a quarter in the meter, park right here, and check it out...
You have to set a standard from the door. You have to carry yourself in a way that men will know who you are, what you will and will not stand for, and you can't believe any ol' thing that men tell you. I'm a man... I was a predator once... and I would say whatever it took to get what I wanted so, I know! Now days, men don't even try to be slick. They don't have to because they can tell you the "truth" and they know that you'll still hold on to them because "having a man is better than having self respect." Some woman actually had the nerve to utter these words to me... "Self respect can't hold you at night." She's without a man as I speak so, good luck with that school of thought.
Being played is not sexy... appearing dumb is not sexy either. There are women that men will screw around with and mess over... and then, there are women who he will "take home" to meet his Mom. The one that he's running a game on and is being run through by all his boys, is not the one he takes to the fancy bistro, Virginia Beach, or to his family reunion. No, that's going to be his woman, the one he respects.
Now, which one do you want to be... his woman or his "jump off"?
Everyday of my life, I'm glad that I am married and out of the dating game. "Mrs. Keith" and I have been together so long now that, if I had to enter the dating game again, I don't think I'd know what to do or say. On the other hand, I might not have to be so knowledgeable at all because it seems as though a man coming up today can do, say, and get away with damn near anything and everything.
Case in point... a man I know once told his girlfriend (who he has been living with in her house for three years) that he cheated on her over the Memorial Day weekend. He told her that, when he was missing for three days, he was not "in the hospital with no memory" as he originally told her (What? Huh?). He said he was, in fact, with another girl he knew before, getting his swerve on. He then said, "At least you didn't have to find it out in the street... I came to you and told you." Apparently, this was good enough for her and they are still together. And, I'm not talking about a twenty-something here... I'm talking about a 50 year old woman and a 43 year old man (and I'm using the word "man" loosely here).
The woman in my previous three-part (July) post, Blowin' In The Wind, had two children by a man and watched him marry three women, have children by two of them and more by another woman, and is still running around with him, talking about the two of them as if they are still a "couple". He is presently going through a divorce from wife number three while living with another woman. He told her that "they have an understanding". Here we go with labels and ridiculous terms again. (O.G., I'm not jackin' your topic but, it does comes to mind.)
I recently read on one blog where a woman said, "...these stupid women make it hard for other women to have any standards because they will go for anything." She's right and I really didn't want to do a post on this subject because I feel that others such as O.G., Miz, Dreamy, The Karrie B., and EB the Celeb can do it more justice than I can but, I felt as if I had to speak out on this subject.
Ladies... Stop the madness, stop bein' played, and stop allowing yourselves to be disrespected. I'm a male and after a while, I get disgusted when I watch you all fall for some of the most ridiculous lines and moves I've ever seen or heard. I'm ol' skool... I was a young man when Run DMC, Public Enemy, Al B. Sure, and Boyz II Men, were hot. Back then, a man had to put in some time with a woman, take her out, visit a couple of times, send some roses, and have some "game". He also had to have a little bit of "work ethic". Those days are all but non-existent now.
I'm not hatin' on today's brothers and I don't begrudge them because, it's not completely their fault. If you don't make them respect you and you carry yourselves in a way that allows them to walk all over you, tell you anything, treat you bad, and still lay their heads down next to you at night (or whenever the hell they feel like it) then, why should they treat you any other way? What is the incentive to treat you good? Why are you complaining to your girlfriends that there are no decent men?
Truth be told, you don't really want the "decent guy"... at least, not right now at this time in your life. He's going to bore you and let you run all over him. You're not going to respect that type of man. You really like the drama and you love the noise that the "bad boy" brings so, don't complain. Just deal with it.
But, here is another truth...The older you get, the harder it is to find somebody decent and you will have less time and patience with the bad boy and the b.s. that he brings with him. By the time you are ready to appreciate a decent man and really, really NEED to have someone to hold you, be your companion, and have your back, he's going to be married, in a serious relationship, living with someone, or so "off the market" that it's not going to be funny. Put a quarter in the meter, park right here, and check it out...
You have to set a standard from the door. You have to carry yourself in a way that men will know who you are, what you will and will not stand for, and you can't believe any ol' thing that men tell you. I'm a man... I was a predator once... and I would say whatever it took to get what I wanted so, I know! Now days, men don't even try to be slick. They don't have to because they can tell you the "truth" and they know that you'll still hold on to them because "having a man is better than having self respect." Some woman actually had the nerve to utter these words to me... "Self respect can't hold you at night." She's without a man as I speak so, good luck with that school of thought.
Being played is not sexy... appearing dumb is not sexy either. There are women that men will screw around with and mess over... and then, there are women who he will "take home" to meet his Mom. The one that he's running a game on and is being run through by all his boys, is not the one he takes to the fancy bistro, Virginia Beach, or to his family reunion. No, that's going to be his woman, the one he respects.
Now, which one do you want to be... his woman or his "jump off"?
12 comments:
Lord Keith this so hit home for me, i have been that jump off in the past.....
thank God that I have come to my senses....
being played is not the business, trust i know,lol
thanks for this, and in no way shape or form did you offend. its real shyss
ha and i am 1st!!!!
This was a great post!
I feel like you about the whole dating thing, been with the hubby for SO long I wouldn't know where to begin.
yup. it's a sad truth. i used to consider myself a masochist when it came to men and relationships. i would get hurt, and keep going back for more...then the pain wasn't exquisite anymore, and i learned my threshold for bullshit.
stay sweet to your wife.
-KB
This must be woman Wednesday this is the third blog today talking about women in some capacity. Ok Keith I have a bit to say, and maybe I will blog about this but I have to comment on a few things here.
When I first divorced I got sideswiped a few times because I had NOT been in the game for six years. I thought you could take what a man said if you were honest with him then he would see said honesty and be honest; after all you were cool and level headed woman not the dram queen. I quickly realized after dating a few men that was not the case at all.
I’m not the most traditional woman in a lot of sense, to be nice I would say I do things boys do. Men often get upset with me because they have said I made them feel cheap or undervalued. I have taken the phrase this is what it is to a new level. *lol*
I think what all women need to get is who they are and what they are has nothing to do with who loves them or screws them. Now to me there is NOTHING wrong with being said jump off if that is what YOU want to be. The world is full of women who do not want a relationship. I’m not sure it makes you the jump off if you both agree it is what it is, but I’m just saying.
I think the problem is many women think that somehow magically they will become wife. If a man ain’t pressed about you don’t be pressed about him. When you want more and he wants less cut ties, because it probably isn’t going to change. Don’t settle for being a man’s piece on a side because a piece of man is better than no man at all. Those predators out there can smell that desperation on you.
Women have got to learn to be happy with themselves. Ok I’m gonna go blog now, you have inspired me. You ain’t fooling nobody with your jedi mind tricks (suggesting one of the ladies take this topic! *lol*) You good Keith, you good!!
-OG
This is so true!
Thanks for standing up for the sisters Keith. I visited your other blog today too.
I think there are many reasons ppl do the things they do...and sometimes it's not that easy to give them "a stern talking to"...in order for them to see the light. People come with a lot of baggage and for whatever dumb ass reason want to hold onto that and make it the third person in a three-some of him, her and her baggage in a relationship.
Then there are those other times...when women just don't care because they aren't in it to win it...they are in it for the mean time. Not because they don't have options but because they know that him being half assed allows her to be half assed too.
Let's take me for instance...I'mma slacker, I can romance a guy and have him thinking I'm into him and he is my focus...but really, I'm doing what it takes to get him but I'm not all that ready to do what it takes to keep him...'cause I'm irresponsible like that...lol I like variety...I like a different face to look at across a table, I like a different conversation then the one we had last night, I like a different atmosphere...so...being with a half assed man isn't all that bad because I know I am not ready to step up my own shit.
There will be a time (soon I am sure) when I am going to want to be married again...but for now...I am ok focusing on what I like rather than what society sees as me being single when they think I should be married.
I was married...loved being married...but I am not sure that is what my purpose is...especially right here, right now.
*whew* I blogged in your comment section...sorry.
An interesting viewpoint, thanks for dropping by BBB and don't be a stranger. The same goes for you too
Panjstl and Karrie B.
Hell yeah, dating in this century is for the birds, unfortunately i came out of a two decade marriage into this bs...i have fallen, fell, been screwed, subdued, misconstrued and more, and yet i kept all of my faculties...that's because i am a woman, first and foremost...i remember what courting was like...i remember what my daddy said and how i'm supposed to be treated, therefore i can't deal with the bs...not at all...perhaps that's why the dates i have, have only been 1 date, maybe if you are lucky you can get to 2, but only one has crossed the 3rd mark and he's a real gentleman, ole skool like me, can appreciate a woman like me, and that is exactly what i'm waiting on and looking for.
Good For you Miz. See that's what I'm talkin about.
Good post! I'm not offended at all. Actually, I wish I would have read it years ago. But all things work together for good so I take those expereinces and share them with other young women so that they don't make the same mistakes I made.
What you had to say carries even more weight comming from you as a man. I hope that the ladies that come across this post will take heed and not offense.
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