Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Stalker Story

I've been married for almost twenty years so, it's safe to say that for all of those years I've been safe and protected. I've recently been reading about the state of the dating game on some of my fellow bloggers' posts and in conversations I've been having with my single friends and I've discovered something... "The game done changed!" For one thing, there seems to be a lot more incidents of stalking than I recall when I was out there. Take the case of one of my former neighbors...

He lived at the corner of my block. I wouldn't say we were friends but occasionally, we would be outside washing our cars at the same time and we would converse sometime... usually about the Sixers or the Eagles... nothing really heavy like politics or for that matter, relationships. So, with this backdrop, you can probably understand how surprised I was when he told me he was getting married soon.

He brought the young lady around one day and we met. She was attractive, smart, witty, well-dressed, and like him, an employee of a major pharmaceutical company. She seemed like a really nice girl. Now, mind you...this guy was one of very few words (at least with me) so, when a few months later he told me out of the blue that he wasn't getting married, I had to know why. It was the first (and only) time I would ask him about his personal business. He looked at me with an empty stare and said, "Ahhh, she's just not the one for me. I changed my mind." I knew that was all of the info I was ever gonna get out of him so, I went on about my business and forgot about him and his ex-fiancé.

One Sunday morning (that I chose not to go to church), I was coming back from getting some coffee and blueberry muffins when I heard a loud thump! I got out of my car and there was his "sweet" ex-fiancé, jumping up and down on a black BMW (he drove a black BMW). She had a scarf on her head, she was wearing a green sweat suit, and she was yelling to the top of her lungs, COME OUT! FACE ME LIKE A MAN! I KNOW YOU HAVE ANOTHER WOMAN UP THERE WITH YOU! RESPECT ME, I'M YOUR WOMAN!" Not a sound was heard from my neighbor's house but, two doors down, a door swung open. I don't know who this guy was but, he was hoppin' mad! "What in the Sam Hill is your problem? Get your ass off my car!" Okay, I'm going to stop right here because I've got two questions: (1) Who is Sam Hill? My Dad would yell that when he was angry all the time... "Boy, what in the Sam Hill is wrong with you?"; and (2) What are the odds that two brothers would be sportin' the same color (black) BMW in my neighborhood at the same time? You see, she was jumpin' on the wrong car.

My man's car was parked around the corner. Lucky for him. His ex-fiance's girlfriend was in an old beat up Nissan Altima screaming for her to stop and get in the car before the cops came. Too late! For once the police were on time for something. Okay, this brings me to my third question: Why do women travel with their girlfriends when they go to stalk someone? I now knew why he suddenly called the wedding off. She was crazy as crazy as a crack house rat! But, his troubles didn't end there. He came home from work one day and found that he couldn't get in his house. Somebody had taken liquid cement and cemented all the locks on his house in the front and in the back. Another time, telephone books and all kinds of trash was spilled on his front porch. Whenever he had a date, there she was... driving down our block, cutting the headlights, and driving slow. The worst incident (and I wasn't home when this happened... the guy across the street told me) was when she drove up to his house and began to sing a couple of songs to him. From what I heard, she had a pretty good voice but, he never responded, didn't came outside, or make a scene. He was a very conservative brother.

He was renting the house he stayed in so, eventually, he just moved and he never told anybody where he was going. He wasn't the most talkative or outgoing person in the world. His ex-fiance didn't know where he went either. To this day, she still drives down this block with the lights turned off in the car. She knows he's gone... she even questioned me and several others about his whereabouts but, we can't tell her what we don't know. I really don't think she believes us. I haven't seen her in a few months but, she's out there somewhere... watching... waiting...

Special thanks to Kyle, whose last post drudged up this memory... "I'm havin' nightmares, man!" (Just kidding - lololol.)

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

That chick is crazy. But LOL @ her jumping on the wrong car.

Women travel in packs when doing dirt just in case something pops off and someone has to be the look out. And ummm..just b/c I answer this questions doesn't mean I've been involved with any dirt doing. :)

The Dreamy One said...

i aint gonna like I would have beaten ole girls azz on that one. how you gonna be jumping on the wrong car,lol

yeah she was more throwed than a two dollar bill!!!

and we travel in packs cause you know your girlfriend will egg you on!!

Keith said...

@Southern Gal- "Just because I answer this questions ,doesn't mean I've been involved in any dirt doing."

Hmmmmmm....if you say so.!!!!!!!


@Dreamy- ???????????????Hmmmmmmmm!

Anonymous said...

Dayum, that was one crazy chick.. I don't know but if I was trying to do stalk someone I think I would want to be stealth mode. Forget showing up on Sunday morning that is asking for trouble. LOL

Having been involved for 13 years, I agree the game has indeed changed.

The F_Uitlist said...

That chick was past crazy! I don't know why women do all that extra stuff.I would rather be alone then to carry myself less than a lady (not a woman there is a huge difference).

ok I am LMAO at crazy as a crack house rat. Hahaha.

And I'm calling my nana to ask her who sam hill is, because she always talks about him too LOL

♥ CG ♥ said...

Keith, this is hilarious! Things are bad but they aren't bad enough to go through all this. I think some folks just have the stalker gene...lol.

I'm officially cosiging Southern Gal's comment about traveling in packs...I've just heard that's why women do it *wink* *wink*.

Rich Fitzgerald said...

LOL at the "woman in packs comments"

This reminds me of that scene in Barber Shop when dudes new Camary was getting "Barry Bonds" and chick realized she had the wrong car and jetted.

Rich Fitzgerald said...

I'm an information junkie.

Sam Hill url below

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sam_Hill_(euphemism)

Keith said...

Thanks Rich.....so that was Sam Hill....He sure was a popular guy..
He knew somebody in everybody's family I know...Guess he got around.-lolol.

Anonymous said...

You all are too funny...Hillarious
story Keith...That girl was beyond throwed..lolol..and I'm cosigning with Southern Gal and The Dreamy
One .We travel in packs because we
need a lookout...ugh..They need a
lookout..Not me.

Keith said...

@lolol-Ok Toni, you ladies are scaring me right about now.

Anonymous said...

There are Men stalkers too you know.




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