Essence Of The Man

A female friend of mine who I have known since she was 14 years old (some thirty years now), announced her pending engagement. She is engaged to a guy I have only known for a short period. What the guy and I have in common is that we were once involved with the same woman many years ago (at the same time, but had never met). We met years later in another setting and from comparing notes, each of us discovered the true identity of the other and we had a good laugh about it (another blog post for another time). That has nothing to do with my friend who he's getting ready to marry.

When she told me just who it was she was marrying, I responded, "Who? Him?" Don't get me wrong... I like this guy, he's a good dude, and always was. The fact that we were both dating the same woman years ago says more about that woman and her deceptiveness... not him. But, he is not the type of guy that my friend usually dates. She usually likes the kind of guys who can drop $100.00 down for a date in a fancy bistro and it not hurt them at all... the kind of guys who have a custom made Lexus with their name engraved on the side. (One of her ex-boyfriends, a doctor, had two Lexuses like that... one was a car and the other an SUV. He was just too smooth for words.)

My man here, went through a divorce in which he lost the home he was living in and the fly car he once drove. When she met him, he was living in an efficiency with a kitchen, bathroom, and a bed in the kitchen. He was driving a 13 year old car that often needed work and, to impress her, he rented a car for their first date just so he wouldn't seem so down and out. He is miles and miles away from who she usually dates so, when she said that she was marrying this man, I had to know why... I had to know what made him so special. She said something to me so profound, I just knew it was going to be the topic of one of my posts.

She told me, "I just love HIM... who he is... I never looked at the essence of any of the guys I dated before. You know, they were all doctors, lawyers, drug dealers, stock brokers, and a few close-to-well-known athletes... guys with lots of money, nice cars, and nice things but, you take away the money, the cars, etc. from a lot of them and I found that you didn't have much left personality wise. I mean there was nothing there of any substance with a lot of them." (There was one now deceased New York rapper she dated who had plenty of personality... too much for his own good... but, that's another story too.)

She also said, "I know that next to them, my new man is a borderline bum but, he's kind, he's very intelligent, hard working, and I know he'd give me the world, if I asked him. And, when you get my age (she is 44), you need someone you can talk to, someone who can hold you, and someone who is a gentlemen more than you need the cash and the flash."

I was pleasantly surprised that she had come this far... back in the 80's, she was known as the highest of the "high maintenance divas". We traveled in the same circles but, none of the guys I hung with would touch her. She was fine they said but, more trouble than she was worth. She married a lawyer who later became a judge and who left her for a white woman. She also married a bank manager who was a drunk and drank himself out of the marriage.

As for her new fiance, he works for the federal government, has just managed to buy himself a new home, and is working on getting a new car. He's coming along... his luck has changed and just by him being himself, he has taught the most unlikely person in the world, a lesson about the true essence of a man. It's about who he is, and not so much what he's got.