I had a falling out with a close friend of mine a few weeks ago. It was over money... money that I mistakenly thought was owed to me during a joint venture. We had met for food and beverages after work and there was a dispute over how much of the bill had been paid and by whom. I felt I was owed some money.
I dropped hints about the money to the friend for about two weeks before it finally erupted into a heated dispute and unfortunately (for me), it was only after the dispute that I learned that my friend was indeed correct (this time) and that I was not owed any cash.
It's hard to realize that you are wrong and even harder to eat "humble pie" and apologize to somebody. However, I did the Christian thing and apologized but, here is where the story gets interesting. (You knew this was coming, didn't you? You know I don't bother to write a personal post unless there is a weird twist and, believe me, my life ain't that interesting... but, I sure make it sound like I live in a three-ring circus when I want to, don't I?-lol)
Getting back to my story... here is the main reason I don't like to apologize to this person. Do any of you know somebody that brings up stuff from seven years ago when you are having a dispute with them? (Spouses and significant others are excluded-lol... just kidding.) Well, this particular friend won't just take an apology... they tend to bring up long ago buried incidents, which you thought they had forgotten. It makes me want to say, forget it. This is also the reason why I am this person's only friend and I think they realized it too... which is why I got a conciliatory call today. It was the first time we've spoken since July 21st.
It was a nice conversation... very civil... but, I was reminded of another time that I supposedly miscalculated a bill (but, that time I was right). It was done in a joking way but, I know that there was a bit of seriousness behind the joke. This is the type of thing that "irks" some of the other people in my small group who associate with this person too.
Next time, I will not split a bill. I'll pay for my food separately or maybe there will be no next time. I just know that sometimes, friends and money don't mix. I talked to another friend about the incident with that person and this friend gave me some sage wisdom... "Real friends don't put their friends through the meat grinder." Indeed!
I dropped hints about the money to the friend for about two weeks before it finally erupted into a heated dispute and unfortunately (for me), it was only after the dispute that I learned that my friend was indeed correct (this time) and that I was not owed any cash.
It's hard to realize that you are wrong and even harder to eat "humble pie" and apologize to somebody. However, I did the Christian thing and apologized but, here is where the story gets interesting. (You knew this was coming, didn't you? You know I don't bother to write a personal post unless there is a weird twist and, believe me, my life ain't that interesting... but, I sure make it sound like I live in a three-ring circus when I want to, don't I?-lol)
Getting back to my story... here is the main reason I don't like to apologize to this person. Do any of you know somebody that brings up stuff from seven years ago when you are having a dispute with them? (Spouses and significant others are excluded-lol... just kidding.) Well, this particular friend won't just take an apology... they tend to bring up long ago buried incidents, which you thought they had forgotten. It makes me want to say, forget it. This is also the reason why I am this person's only friend and I think they realized it too... which is why I got a conciliatory call today. It was the first time we've spoken since July 21st.
It was a nice conversation... very civil... but, I was reminded of another time that I supposedly miscalculated a bill (but, that time I was right). It was done in a joking way but, I know that there was a bit of seriousness behind the joke. This is the type of thing that "irks" some of the other people in my small group who associate with this person too.
Next time, I will not split a bill. I'll pay for my food separately or maybe there will be no next time. I just know that sometimes, friends and money don't mix. I talked to another friend about the incident with that person and this friend gave me some sage wisdom... "Real friends don't put their friends through the meat grinder." Indeed!
9 comments:
lol, yep friends and money don't mix at all...i have very good friend that i have loaned money from time to time, who seems to forget those loans over time...so, i decided a long time ago not to loan her anymore money, if i have it, i'll just give it to her.
Good story! I don't really have friend and money problems. I have a long standing rule that I do not loan money to ANYONE (this includes my mother) that I will miss.
So anytime I have loaned money, in my mind I write it off as a gift, meaning if they do payback it is like a bonus. If they don't pay me back they don't ever get to ask for money from me again. And if they, as they most always do, pay me back late my light bill or whatever doesn't go unpaid because I lent them money earmarked for that.
I do spend a lot of time loaning out money to family well I consider those gifts most of the time. Even though some folks like to call them loans because they want to pay me back one day.
Or you can be my little brother, who owes me tons of loans, but somehow feels since I don't need it why am I riding him, he has to learn the hard ways and be put on money receiving probation from time to time. lol
As far as eating out I have move to the point where my friends and I just split the bill however many ways, sure sometimes that means I pay more for what I had but other times I pay less. I normally don't go through the hassle of adding up who had the extra sour cream and stuff unless the other person does.
A lot of this is because I feel blessed financially enough to even be in a position where I don’t worry about a few dollars here and there, I also feel blessed to have friends who do not take advantage of my views on money like that.
PUHLEEZ your life is too interesting!
-OG
I can't recall ever lending a friend money. But my sister and I have had heated disputes over money I have loaned her. If I'm gonna to miss the money, I won't give it to you.
As far as eating out, my friends are something else. They will tell the waitress the bill is separate before ordering.
This is why I am praying to be able to afford to just give and not loan to my friends......Hope you two find resolution my brother!
ok- so just for sport - tell me how these two things are different:
"I dropped hints about the money to the friend for about two weeks before it finally erupted into a heated dispute and unfortunately (for me), it was only after the dispute that I learned that my friend was indeed correct (this time) and that I was not owed any cash."
and
"It was a nice conversation... very civil... but, I was reminded of another time that I supposedly miscalculated a bill (but, that time I was right). It was done in a joking way but, I know that there was a bit of seriousness behind the joke. This is the type of thing that "irks" some of the other people in my small group who associate with this person too."
how come you get the right to drop hints - but when the friend 'jokes' it's ok to also mention how this irks every one in the group??
what's with the hints? why not just say whatever you need to say directly - everybody doesn't always get the hints. i am one of them - lol - don't HINT nothing to me, just tell me exactly what you want me to know. i'm just asking.....
Well I hint because this person is very sensitive and takes offense very quickly. The other thing is that once something is over for me,it's over...I don't bring things up that happened in 2004.
What irks people in my group with this person is that everytime we got out..there is a money problem with this person and someone always manages to pay more than they should have while this peson worms out of their part.
One time this person left a bar
owing $12.00 on their drink tab and the rest of us had to pay their part out of our money.
Your friend sounds like some folks I have known.. I don't know the older I get, I am starting to think its better to not mix friends and money. Frankly I am skittish about lending family money since my Pops owes me thousands of dollars lent when my Mom was dying. Yet as much as I and my bill collectors could use that money, I just can't bring myself to ask for it.
I agree with you on money and friends don't mix ( I have two friends in my rather larger circle that I trust to repay a loan).
The ex-friend I wrote about was the queen of bringing up old things, funny part is that she NEVER told the story right, cause she liked to pass the buck.
I agree whole heartedly. You know this post inspired a post for me thanx. Hopefully I remember it in the morning.
Go B.
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